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Posted

We had a power cut last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down

immediately, it was raining so I couldn't golf so I had to talk to my

wife for a few hours.

 

She seems like a nice person.

Posted

A young woman had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing

her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so

intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to

complain.

 

Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, 'Why are you back

in so early? What's wrong?'

 

'I was stung by a bee', she said.

 

'Where?', he asked.

 

'Between the first and second hole', she replied.

 

He nodded knowingly and said, 'Then your feet were too far apart.

Posted

the teacher has all the kids doing an essay on what they did at the week end when she sees young john is not writing john she shouts why are you not writing john says miss ive nae f k n pencil the teacher jumps from her chair john john john i have no pencil you have pencil they have no pencil john says please miss whos got aw the f k n pencils then

  • 2 weeks later...
Posted

Could not resist itemoticon-0136-giggle.gif

 

 

Two Irish men looking through a catalogue.

Paddy say's "look at those gorgeous women!

The price's are reasonable too," Mick agrees!

"I am ordering one of them right now."

3 week's later,

Paddy say's "Has your woman turned up yet?"

"No" said Mick. "But it shouldn't be long now.

Her clothes arrived yesterday"!

Posted

don't panic.. I'm in hospital!...

 

I ate wot I thought was an onion

 

but it was a daffodil bulb....

 

Doctors say I'll be out in the

 

Spring!!

Posted

don't panic.. I'm in hospital!...

 

I ate wot I thought was an onion

 

but it was a daffodil bulb....

 

Doctors say I'll be out in the

 

Spring!!

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :emoticon-0127-lipssealed: , :emoticon-0136-giggle:

Posted

Martha recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his

ashes home.

Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the patio table.

Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to

him....

 

"You know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with the insurance

money!"

 

She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said,

"Remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the

insurance money!"

 

Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in the

ashes she said,

"Remember that diamond ring you promised me? Bought it too, with the

insurance money!"

 

Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "Remember that

blow job I promised you?"

"Well, here it comes."

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