Banned from Sainsbury's

[Roland]

- Didn't like shopping there anyway

 

Yesterday I was at my local Sainsbury's buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

 

What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

 

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

 

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

 

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's *expletive removed* and a car hit us both.

 

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

 

I'm now banned from Sainsbury's.

 

Better watch what you ask retired people.

We have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.

 

[Guest grizzler]

that will teach you for telling porkies ;D ;D

[Guest lenwadebob]

Brilliant pmsl Another classic from Roland the Rottweiller lol

[dwh]

woof woof ;D ;D ;D

[Guest karl adams]

i always thought you were barkin mad ;D ;D ;D

[Guest]

i always thought you were barkin mad ;D ;D ;D

 

Roland used to be a werewolf .. but hes alwright nowwwwwwww .              andy.(evil)(evil).

[Guest big pete]

should have said sniffing a andrex dog, they probably sell that!!  ;D ;D

[just ask me]

well never laughed as much  classic  

[ribble]

The last time i heard of the diet, he got hit by a car while he was licking his bollacks in the middle of the road.

[BLACK W F]

PURE QUALITY ANOTHER FROM ROLANDS TREASURE CHEST

[marmite]

super brill sat here and pmsl

[Guest Davy Fleming]

Best I have ever read ;D ;D ;D ;D

[big blue bar]

quality !!

[DOVEScot]

;D ;D ;D

[ALF]

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[VMS]

Brilliant. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[nogin]

NUTTER  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D