chickadee Posted October 11, 2009 Report Posted October 11, 2009 Too funny! The story is allegedly true. The scene is a Glasgow court and a witness (a ned) is being questioned by a rather plummy mouthed Advocate Depute (AD) AD 'You say you went to your friends house that night. Why did you go there?' WITNESS 'Tae get a tap.' AD 'Is your friend a plumber?' WITNESS 'Naw.' AD 'Are you a plumber?' WITNESS 'Naw.' The witness is a bit bewildered by this line of questioning and the AD realises it, but notices that the court police officer is rubbing his fingers of one hand together in the universal gesture of money. Daylight apparently dawns on the AD and he changes his line of questioning accordingly. AD 'So you went to the house to borrow money?' WITNESS 'Naw.' AD 'Ah. You went to the house to lend money?' WITNESS 'Naw.' In exasperation the AD says, 'You told the court you went to your friend's house for a tap. What kind of a tap was it?'. WITNESS ......'A Sellick tap.` ;D ;D ;D
Delboy Posted October 11, 2009 Report Posted October 11, 2009 A guy that stays near me went to court and the judge asked his name, '' Tattie Smith my lord '' he shouts. The judge says , '' Whats your real name young man ? '' the fella says '' Oh sorry my lord, Potato Smith '' TRUE STORY ;D
Guest Freebird Posted October 11, 2009 Report Posted October 11, 2009 Too funny! The story is allegedly true. The scene is a Glasgow court and a witness (a ned) is being questioned by a rather plummy mouthed Advocate Depute (AD) AD 'You say you went to your friends house that night. Why did you go there?' WITNESS 'Tae get a tap.' AD 'Is your friend a plumber?' WITNESS 'Naw.' AD 'Are you a plumber?' WITNESS 'Naw.' The witness is a bit bewildered by this line of questioning and the AD realises it, but notices that the court police officer is rubbing his fingers of one hand together in the universal gesture of money. Daylight apparently dawns on the AD and he changes his line of questioning accordingly. AD 'So you went to the house to borrow money?' WITNESS 'Naw.' AD 'Ah. You went to the house to lend money?' WITNESS 'Naw.' In exasperation the AD says, 'You told the court you went to your friend's house for a tap. What kind of a tap was it?'. WITNESS ......'A Sellick tap.` ;D ;D ;D He He He! nice one. Guy in court for drunk and disorderly when asked about his condition on the night says " I was drunk as a judge " the judge breaks in " you mean drunk as a lord " " Yes me lord " says the bloke. He He!
chickadee Posted October 11, 2009 Author Report Posted October 11, 2009 A boy that worked with ###### was called Caj when he was asked his name by the time keeper he said everyone calls me Caj, naw I need your real name, he replied Miquek Chaquesky, yes Caj will do just fine son ;D ;D ;D
Delboy Posted October 11, 2009 Report Posted October 11, 2009 A boy that worked with ###### was called Caj when he was asked his name by the time keeper he said everyone calls me Caj, naw I need your real name, he replied Miquek Chaquesky, yes Caj will do just fine son ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D nice one
Guest Gareth Rankin Posted October 12, 2009 Report Posted October 12, 2009 Man walking down the street bumps into an old friend, his friend is looking down in the dumps, man ask what's wrong and his friends reply was that he is just came from the doctors were he has been diagnosed with the BIG C shocked and stunned the man replies what cancer to which the man answers no Dyslexia.
Delboy Posted October 12, 2009 Report Posted October 12, 2009 Ive got dyslexia, many times have I been sent to the local warehouse and ended up in a local whorehouse ;D Dyslexia can be a great thing
chickadee Posted October 12, 2009 Author Report Posted October 12, 2009 Ive got dyslexia, many times have I been sent to the local warehouse and ended up in a local whorehouse ;D Dyslexia can be a great thing ;D ;D ;D
Pompey Mick Posted October 12, 2009 Report Posted October 12, 2009 A wedding occurred just outside Govan in Glasgow ... To keep tradition going, everyone got extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the living daylights out of each other. The Police get called in to break up the fight. The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the court room until the Judge finally brings Calm with the use of his hammer, shouting "Silence in Court". The court room goes silent and Ronny (the best man) stands up and says "Judge.. I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened". The Judge agrees and asks Ronny to take the stand. Ronny begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Govan wedding that the Best Man gets the first dance with the Bride. The judge says "OK". "Well", said Ronny, "After I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song, when all of a sudden the Groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the Bride an unmerciful kick right between her legs". Shocked, the Judge instantly responded, "God, that must have hurt!" "HURT!" Ronny replies "He broke three of my fingers
Guest Posted October 12, 2009 Report Posted October 12, 2009 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D was nearly his teeth ??) ;D
Guest stevie-b Posted October 12, 2009 Report Posted October 12, 2009 just bought my wife a new car she says she doesnt like it she wants something that goes from 0-200 in 3 secs so i went and got the bathrooms scales and said stand on them then u fat xxxx
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