Blue Chequer Pied

Close but no cigar. At least you got half the score right ;D. Keep taking the tablets and stay away from sharp objects

Its all over...... dry your eyes bigda there is always the diddy cup

Good luck I hope it works out for you. All the best, Paul.

Oh its 3-0 Bigda has done his tenner ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

If he has not blown all his money at the bookies ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D Shame :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

Bigda has just spat oot the dummy

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D good one!

Bigda Bigda whats the score?..... Bigda whats the score ?

That was the best joke I have heard for ages. I passed it on to my mates and didn't even edit it ;D ;D ;D

Stick to jaffa's more your kind of thing

I bet Capello was sitting there tonight wishing Ryan Giggs was English.

I have given up getting it on a Friday now, don't go to the newsagent until Saturday. I suppose that is what happens when you have a Highland post code. Paul.

They will turn up mate. Keep positive. Paul.

Happy belated Birthday Ian, all the best. Paul.

It is just wrong, look at the way they react when they stop rolling, it cant be good for them, wrong wrong wrong. Mind you Bryan reminds of some of the birds that used to go about the Seaton plots ;D ;D ;D

That is wrong

Ok, look forward to it. p.s take a basket and you can train my birds on the way home

I know it was a real pity. I had just taken over a new store and I am still up to my eyes. There will be other times though and you are welcome anytime. All the best, Paul.

Good to see you back mate. We have missed you. Paul.

Superb. Bet you chocked at that one big man ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Dont go there, there may be children watching or Liverpool supporters ;D

Been on before but still very funny. Enjoy ;D ;D Paul. Tommy Cooper Jokes I can picture him saying these jokes Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Man goes to the docs, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it." -------------------------------------------------------------------- "Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual." ------------------------------------------------------------------- A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy" -------------------------------------------------------------------- "Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's." "Well you can't say fairer than that then" ------------------------------------------------------------------ Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom! --------------------------------------------------------------------- So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died." --------------------------------------------------------------------- So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said "You are." ------------------------------------------------------------------- So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.' --------------------------------------------------------------------- So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.' --------------------------------------------------------------------- Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin. --------------------------------------------------------------------- So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.' --------------------------------------------------------------------- Now, most dentists' chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr. Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.' -------------------------------------------------------------------- So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?" --------------------------------------------------------------------- Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. --------------------------------------------------------------------- You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice. --------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walked into the doctors, The doctor said "I haven't seen you in a long time" The man replied, "I know I've been ill" --------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walked into the doctors, he said "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "well don't go to those places" --------------------------------------------------------------------- I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy. --------------------------------------------------------------------- I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. --------------------------------------------------------------------- I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it. -------------------------------------------------------------------- Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana.............press the hash key..." ------------------------------------------------------------------- I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high." --------------------------------------------------------------------- My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in. --------------------------------------------------------------------- A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off". --------------------------------------------------------------------- I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat slob!"