The Future.

greenlands · September 17, 2018

Off my mate Des in Auz.

Hello! Is this Gordon's Pizza?

No sir - it's Google Pizza.

I must have dialled a wrong number. Sorry.

No sir - Google bought Gordon's Pizza last month.

OK. I would like to order a pizza.

Do you want your usual, sir?

My usual - you know me?

According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses - sausage - pepperoni - mushrooms and meat balls on a thick crust.

OK - that's what I want .

May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta - arugula - sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat, gluten free, thin crust?

What? I detest vegetables.

Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

How the hell do you know?

Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drugsale Network, 4 months ago.

I bought more from another drugstore.

That doesn't show on your credit card statement.

I paid in cash.

But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

I have other sources of cash.

That doesn't show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.

WHAT THE HELL? ! ! ! !

I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google - Facebook - Twitter - WhatsApp and all the others!! I'm going to an island without internet - cable TV - where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me !!

I understand sir - but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago