Ian McKay

After being married for 40 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Forty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl. Now ... I have a £500,000.00 home, a £35,000.00 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with an old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things." My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV. Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems.

Surely you should not use AB to such an extent that you wipe out all the good bacteria Maybe this is why they are POM

PM sent :emoticon-0136-giggle:

I arranged for a convoy of English birds (5000) birds to be re rubbered I re rubbered Tayside birds at Lancaster probably 1700 Anything is feasible if you are interested in security Problem is if you see a bird fly away from a transporter how do you know it is the only one? Clubs and Feds cannot make there own rule it is an SHU rule and you cannot over rule them

The proper procedure in my opinion is all rubbered birds should be re-rubbered and all ETS ring numbers should be noted Here is the SHU rule they have failed to make it clear it should read ALL pigeons 27. In the event of an escape, pigeons must either be re-rubbered or have their ID numbers recorded

No point in giving my view your going to pick holes in SHU rules are there for all to read and abide by :emoticon-0179-headbang:

Being a Fed official for 21 yrs is pointless if you don't know the rules :emoticon-0136-giggle:

I Alan the mind boggles all above except Tonyc are members of the SHU and do not know the rules In this day of computer just go to SHU site it is explained there :emoticon-0179-headbang:

It is locked as Andys club did not do a result (Tech hitches)result will be known later on this week Sorry for hickups :emoticon-0179-headbang:

:emoticon-0136-giggle: :emoticon-0136-giggle:

Mornin folks have a nice one :emoticon-0136-giggle:

Think it makes a good drink em em called whiskey :emoticon-0136-giggle:

No training no BOP only pleasure :emoticon-0138-thinking: Time for some canaries and Quail :emoticon-0123-party:

Must have come in past St Fergus :emoticon-0136-giggle: :emoticon-0136-giggle:

Try Ray Hunts Donkers they are doing the business up here for 2/3 yrs

Andy open the door we canny get in :D :D

1280 :drinking-coffee-200:

Jim it's the velocity he wants no the time :emoticon-0136-giggle:

Eleven people were saved from a sinking ship and were all hanging from one rope under a helecopter. There were 10 men and one woman. The pilot said eleven people were too heavy and one would have to drop off. They argued and weren't able to choose that person willing to drop off. The Blonde woman gave a very touching speech and volunteered to let go of the rope, because , as a woman, she was used to giving up everthing for her husband and kids or for men in general,and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, the men were so relieved they all started clapping. She was the only surviver.

Ed and Betty met while on a singles cruise, and Ed fell head over heals for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home. Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Betty to dance clubs,restaurants,concerts,movies and museums. Ed became convinced that Betty was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last. On the one-month anniversay of thir first on the cruise ship, Ed took Betty to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad Ed said," I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage, So, before I get a box out of my pocket and ask you a life - changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golfing nut, I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on telly. In short, I eat,sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now. Betty took a deep breath and responded," Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too ; but seeing we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker." Ed said, " I bet it's because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."

Guy goes into an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll. Guy behind the counter says, " Male or Female ? " Customer says, " Female." Counter guy asks, " Black or White ? " Customer says, " White." Counter guy asks, " Christian or Muslim ? " Customer says," What the hell does religion have to do with it ? " Counter guy says, " The Muslim one blows itself up."

Happy Birthday guy's hope you have a nice one :smiling-scarecrow-329:

A man goes hunting. A gust of wind blew. The gun fell over and discharged, shooting him in the genitals. Several hours later,lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor. " Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin area with very little internal damage and we able to remove all of the buckshot." " What's the bad news ? " asked the hunter. " The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your p enis which left quite a few holes in it. I'm going to refer you to my sister." " Well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied." Is your sister a plastic surgeon ? " " No," answered the doctor. She's a flute player in the London Symphony orchestra. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't wee in your eyes."

The Secretary of a pigeon club lies dying, his wife is by his bedside. He says in a weakened voice " There is something I must confess." " Shhhhh" said the wife " there is nothing to confess." She holds his hand and caresses his head." Everything is all right" she whispers. " NO !!!" the husband replied, " I must die in peace...I have had sex with all my club members wives." " I know," she whispered," That's why I poisoned you. Now close your eyes". :emoticon-0138-thinking:

8 year old Mohammad entered his classroom on the first day of school. " What's your name?" asked the teacher. " Mohmmad," he replied. " You're in Ireland now," replied Miss Byrne. " So from now on you will be known as Shamus." Mohammad returned home after school. " How was your day, Mohammad ?" his mother asked. " My name is not Mohammad. I'm in Ireland now and my name is Shamus." " Are you ashamed of your name ? Are you trying to dishonor your parents,your heritage, your religion ? Shame on you ! " And his mother beat him. Then she called his father, who beat him again. The next day Mohammad returned to school. The teacher saw all his bruises. " What happened to you Shamus ? " she asked. " Well shortly after becoming an Irishman, I was attacked by two ruddy Arabs."