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After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

 

He looked at her for a while ...

then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

 

She asks ... "What does that mean?"

 

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.

 

She smiled happily and said ... "Oh, that's so lovely ...

What about I, J, K?"

 

He said,

"I'm Just Kidding!"

 

 

 

 

 

The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his testicles.

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An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.

 

He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

 

One evening, the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.

 

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

 

As he neared the pond, he heard voices, shouting and laughing with glee.

 

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women, skinny-dipping in his pond.

 

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

 

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

 

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

 

Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator...'

 

Some old men can still think fast.

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http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/426576_10150697063194187_557044186_11158110_222756299_n.jpghttp://forum.pigeonbasics.org/public/style_emoticons/default/emoticon-0136-giggle.gifhttp://forum.pigeonbasics.org/public/style_emoticons/default/emoticon-0136-giggle.gifhttp://forum.pigeonbasics.org/public/style_emoticons/default/emoticon-0136-giggle.gif
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Turpentine v Holly water

 

A little boy was sitting on the footpath with a bottle of Turpentine... He was shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A Vicar came along and asked the little boy what he had..

The little boy said, 'This is the most powerful liquid in the world; it's called Turpentine.'

 

The Vicar said, 'No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you rub it on a pregnant woman's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby.'

 

The little boy replied, 'If you rub turpentine on a cat's ar$e, he'll pass a Harley Davidson. 'http://forum.pigeonbasics.org/public/style_emoticons/default/emoticon-0136-giggle.gifhttp://forum.pigeonbasics.org/public/style_emoticons/default/emoticon-0136-giggle.gifhttp://forum.pigeonbasics.org/public/style_emoticons/default/emoticon-0136-giggle.gif

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I've applied for the England manager's job.

I know I won't get it, but it keeps the dole people off my back for another couple of weeks.

My mate made the mistake of applying for the Wolves job.

He's got to go for an interview on Monday.http://forum.pigeonbasics.org/public/style_emoticons/default/emoticon-0138-thinking.gif

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My wife was in the kitchen this morning cooking breakfast, when I suddenly heard a loud thud. Running in, I found her dead on the floor! In a blind frenzy, I had completely no idea what to do........Then I remembered Wetherspoons do an all-day breakfast for £3.99.

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Man goes to the doctor and tells him that he's got a piece of lettuce protruding from his backside, the doctor takes a look and says - It's just the tip of the iceberg.

 

A man goes into Boots and says: “Have you got Viagra?†“Do you have a prescription?†asks the chemist. “No,†he replies, “But I’ve got a photograph of the wife...â€

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