Joke

[Guest Tooshy Boy]

[buster151]

:emoticon-0137-clapping:

[sapper756]

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[sapper756]

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[Guest Tooshy Boy]

[sapper756]

http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s320x320/417452_3020145220868_1179793428_32443622_476579215_n.jpg

[Guest Tooshy Boy]

[Pompey Mick]

Michael and Gary got married in California.

They couldn't afford a honeymoon so they go back to Michael's Mom and Dad's house in Corner Brook for their first married night together.

>

In the morning, Johnny , Michael 's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast, as he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Michael and Gary are up yet.

She replies, 'No'.

Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'

 

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Michael and Gary up yet?'

She replies, 'No.'

Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school '

 

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Michael and Gary up yet?'

His mom says, 'No.'

He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'OK, now tell me what you think.'

 

 

 

He says: 'Last night Michael came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue.'

[sammy]

A RADIO STATION IS OFFERING A WORLD TRIP TO WHOEVER CAN COME UP WITH THE BEST WORD THAT IS NOT IN THE DICTIONARY BUT CAN BE PUT INTO A SENTENCE.A WEE GLASGA GUY CALLED GORDON CALLS IN AND SAYS MA" WURD IS GAUN"SPELT G. A. U. N AND MA SENTENCE IS "GAUN F-CK YERSEL"THE DJ HANGS UP AND APOLOGISES TO HIS LISTENERS.5 MINS LATER ANOTHER WEE GLASGA GUY CALLS AND SAYS MA WURD IS SMEE ,SPELT S M E E AND THE DJ SAYS OK ,WHATS YOUR SENTENCE ,THE GUY SAYS " SMEE AGAIN GAUN F-CK YERSEL

[Guest Tooshy Boy]

[sapper756]

http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s320x320/430034_10150583064614147_630049146_9096829_1691260901_n.jpg

[sapper756]

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[Guest Tooshy Boy]

[Guest TAMMY_1]

Girls night out

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

 

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

[sapper756]

http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/418514_358698020830948_100000722605654_1130695_1950582845_n.jpg

[Guest Tooshy Boy]

[Guest TAMMY_1]

Signs That You are Too Drunk

You lose arguments with inanimate objects.

 

You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.

 

Your job is interfering with your drinking.

 

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alchohol stream.

 

The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

 

You sincerely believe alchohol is the elusive 5th food group.

 

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence? I think not!

 

Two hands and just one mouth.. - now THAT'S a drinking problem!

 

You can focus better with one eye closed.

 

The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.

 

You fall off the floor..

 

Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.

 

Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!

 

Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.

 

At AA meetings you begin: 'Hi my name is.. uh..'

 

Your idea of cutting back is less salt.

 

You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed.

 

The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in..

 

You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alchohol, and [Women or Men].

 

Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.

 

Roseanne looks good.

 

Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.

 

That damned pink elephant followed me home again.

 

The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.

[Guest Tooshy Boy]

[sapper756]

http://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s320x320/418538_3222374752218_1051942302_3289382_799598215_n.jpg

[Guest Tooshy Boy]

[sapper756]

http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/426262_3433511954514_1171867600_3472357_2133129443_n.jpgI,D LIKE TO SEE ANDREX AND A LITTLE LAB PUPPY, TACKLE THIS ONE!http://forum.pigeonbasics.org/public/style_emoticons/default/emoticon-0136-giggle.gif

[Pompey Mick]

Black Testicles

A male patient is lying in bed

in the hospital,

wearing an oxygen mask over his

mouth and nose,

still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure

A young student nurse appears to give him a

partial sponge bath.

Nurse,' he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my

testicles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies

'I don't know,Sir.

I'm only here to wash

your upper body.'

He struggles to ask again,

'Nurse, are my

testicles black?'

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles,

she overcomes her

embarrassment and sheepishly

pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his

penis in one hand and his

testicles in the other,

lifting and moving them

around and around gently.

Then, she takes a close look and says, 'No sir, they aren't and I assure you, there's nothing wrong

with them, Sir !!'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask,

smiles at her and

says very slowly,

'Thank you very much. That was

wonderful, but listen

very, very closely.....

' A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s -b a c k ?'

[Guest Tooshy Boy]

[buster151]

:emoticon-0137-clapping:

[sapper756]

http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s320x320/398391_346432945381377_284131018278237_1287884_1250354378_n.jpg A WOMANS CAR