Joke

[sapper756]

[sapper756]

[Tony C]

A woman had been on the game for 4

years and was worried about the size of her f*nny on her wedding night so

she decided

to tell her husband she caught it climbing over a fence

when she was younger

After an hour in bed with her he said "How far

across the field were you before you realised it was caught?"

[sapper756]

[Guest chad3646]

i went to see a muslim tribute band last night called( bom jovi)

 

they were brilliant there last song was living on a prayer mat almost brought the house down,

 

 

then a muslim bloke was bragging he had the entire koran on a D.V.D

 

 

i asked him to burn me a copy well f..k me thats when the fight started

[john cumming]

what have pelicans, penguins and the inland revenue all got in common ????

 

 

 

they can all shove their bills up their a**e

 

 

 

well i liked it

 

 

 

 

john

 

 

 

[sapper756]

[sapper756]

[sapper756]

[Tony C]

You cant do this with a Ford, Merc, Beemer..............

 

 

 

[Tony C]

Mensa Question

 

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.

On your right side is a sharp drop off.

And on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.

Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is

unable to overtake it.

 

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in

front of you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

 

See answer below:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round

[sapper756]

Mensa Question

 

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.

On your right side is a sharp drop off.

And on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.

Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is

unable to overtake it.

 

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in

front of you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

 

See answer below:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round

[sapper756]

OOPS!!

 

[sapper756]

[Tony C]

Ah! The truth.

 

 

 

 

[Tony C]

Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stout.

Barman asks, "What's wrong with Stout?"

Bloke says, "I had 12 pints of Stout last night and when I came round I was

f*#king skint."

Barman says, "12 pints of anything costs about the same."

Bloke replies, "Skint's my dog."

[Guest homestead]

Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except Stout.

Barman asks, "What's wrong with Stout?"

Bloke says, "I had 12 pints of Stout last night and when I came round I was

f*#king skint."

Barman says, "12 pints of anything costs about the same."

Bloke replies, "Skint's my dog."

[Tony C]

[Tony C]

[sapper756]

[sapper756]

[sapper756]

[sapper756]

[Ian McKay]

Two Perth Business Men.

 

Two businessmen in the centre of Perth

 

were sitting down for a

break in their soon-to-be new shop...

 

As yet, the shop wasn't ready,

with only a few shelves set up.

 

One said to the other,

"I bet any minute now some pensioner

is going to walk by,

put their face to the window,

and ask what we're selling."

 

No sooner were the words out of his mouth

when, sure enough,

a curious old woman walked to the window,

had a peek,

and in a soft voice asked,

 

"What are you selling here?"

 

One of the men replied sarcastically,

"We're selling ass-holes."

 

Without pausing, the old dear said,

“Must be doing well...

Only two left."

 

 

REMEMBER: Don't mess with old folk !!!

[Ian McKay]

The Deaf Wife Problem

 

Bert feared his wife Peg wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

 

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

 

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

 

 

'Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.'

 

 

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was In the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

 

 

No response.

 

 

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

 

 

Still no response.

 

 

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his Wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

 

Again he gets no response.

 

 

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

 

Again there is no response.

 

So he walks right up behind her. 'Peg, what's for dinner?'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

'For F*-# sake, Bert, for the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!'