Joke

[sapper756]

http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/s320x320/429534_173046872812779_150159261768207_264127_592293298_n.jpg

[sapper756]

http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s320x320/318020_365000606895574_199118980150405_1013601_497086700_n.jpg

[buster151]

:emoticon-0137-clapping:

[sapper756]

I was in the pub and noticed 2 large girls by the bar. They both had strong accents so I said 'Hi, are you 2 girls from Scotland?'

 

One of them chirped 'It's WALES you f*****g idiot!!'

 

So I immediately apologised and said 'Sorry, are you 2 whales from Scotland?'

Then it all kicked off!http://forum.pigeonbasics.org/public/style_emoticons/default/emoticon-0136-giggle.gif

[sapper756]

http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/562599_189318721195204_304425851_n.jpg

[sapper756]

I bumped into an old school friend today.

" He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car.Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?"

"I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend.

"He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?"

"I said, "No, she's an optician."

[sapper756]

A Glaswegian is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river.

He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher....

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk shouts, "Aye, I am."

So the preacher grabs hold of him and dunks him in the water.

He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?"

The drunk replies, "No, Ah havnae found Jesus."

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer.

He pulls him out of the water again looks him straight in the eye and asks him again, "Have you found Jesus my brother?"

The drunk again answers, "No, Ah havnae found Jesus."

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God have you found Jesus?"

 

The drunk wipes his eyes, catches his breath and says to the preacher,

 

"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

[buster151]

:emoticon-0137-clapping:

[sapper756]

A Senior citizen drove his brand new BMW Z4 convertible out of the car sales room. Taking off down the motorway, he floored it to 160Kmh; enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down the M1, enjoying pushing the pedal to the metal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

 

"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he floored it to 180Kmh, then 220, then 240Kmh.

Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!"

 

So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him..

 

Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up to the driver's side of the BMW, looked at his watch and said,

"Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend.

If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

 

The man, looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied,

"Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman. I thought you were bringing her back."

 

"Have a good day, Sir," said the policeman.

[Tony C]

What a load of crap it is about women multi tasking .....

I just told the wife to sit down and shut up ...

Can she do it , can she bollocks !!!

[THE FIFER]

[THE FIFER]

[Tony C]

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to Hoover

the house.

Turns out she was a Slovak.

 

Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head

with a tennis ball.

It was a lovely service.

[sapper756]

http://a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/283785_196211660508207_533464581_n.jpg

[sapper756]

http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/s480x480/599710_402765309779857_1891490224_n.jpg

[sapper756]

I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked OK for a 61 year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if I'd ever

had a Sportsman's Double.

 

'What's that?' I asked.

 

'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.

 

I said, 'No,' - excitedly.

 

We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was 'my lucky night'.

 

I went back to her place.

 

She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mum, you still awake?'

[buster151]

:emoticon-0136-giggle: :emoticon-0137-clapping:

[sapper756]

http://a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/564128_392753480785185_740480456_n.jpg

[sapper756]

http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/150184_441937272485082_2112843770_n.jpg

[THE FIFER]

[sapper756]

http://a3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/479930_10150930920686300_15021693_n.jpg

[Tony C]

[sapper756]

walked into my house to find my wife gone and a note nailed to the wall.

'We have your wife, if you want to see her alive again we want £500,000. Do not contact the police, we are very determined. Await a phone call.'

They weren't joking about being determined, I've had 136 missed calls from them so far!

[sapper756]

Big fat lady came out of the shop with a meat and potato pie,

large chips, mushy peas, and a jumbo sausage.

A poor homeless man sitting on the pavement said,

' I 've not eaten for two days.'

She told him,' I wish I had your will power.'

[buster151]

lol