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Joke


sapper756
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i went up to this fat bird in the pub last night,''you're a big lass arne't you? ''Tell me something i dont know,''she repled with a tear in her eye. so I said ''Salad tastes nice.''http://forum.pigeonbasics.org/public/style_emoticons/default/emoticon-0136-giggle.gifhttp://forum.pigeonbasics.org/public/style_emoticons/default/emoticon-0136-giggle.gifhttp://forum.pigeonbasics.org/public/style_emoticons/default/emoticon-0136-giggle.gif

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Guest alangee

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.

 

"I have just the thing, " says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum.

 

" The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.

 

After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech. "And what if I swallow it?" "No problem, " says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."

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Guest alangee

An 18 year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months.

 

Very worried, the mother goes to the Chemist and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

 

Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house a mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father and the mother and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.

 

I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a 2, 000, 000 bank account If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a 4, 000, 000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and 2, 000, 000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the girls father who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,

 

"You *expletive removed* her again."

 

In the back woods of Scotland, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the

middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the

delivery.

To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern

and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."

Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.

"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the

lantern down...I think there's yet another wee one to come."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a bonnie lass.

"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern,

lad...It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.

 

The Scot scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor.

"Do

ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?"

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