Joke

[Delboy]

A guy is visiting San Francisco, and walks into a small store in

Chinatown.

 

He notices a small bronze statue of a rat.

 

...He asks the owner "how much", and the owner replies "$50 for the bronze

rat, and $1000 for the story behind it".

 

The guy says, "forget the story", and buys the rat.

 

As he's walking down the street he notices two live rats following him.

As he continues to walk, more rats start following him.

 

He starts to get a little concerned, and heads for the waterfront. By

the time he gets there there are thousands and thousands of rats

following him.

 

He walks up to the end of the pier and throws the bronze rat into the

bay, and the rats all follow and leap off of the pier and drown.

 

The guy rushes back to the store and walks in. The owner says, "Ah!, so

your back for the story".

 

The guys says, "no, I was wondering if you have any bronze Celtic players

[Delboy]

A man get's pulled over by the police for speeding,

the officer says " have you got your documents? "

the driver replies " there in the glove box with my gun"

"You have a gun" the officer says

"yeah i used it to kill the person in my boot".

There's a body in your boot ?

the driver says " yes " ,

within minutes the place was covered in police ,

the officers said so you have a gun in your glovebox ?

the driver says " no " ,

the officers says you have a body in your boot ?

the driver says " no " ,

The driver then says, " i suppose the lying b*sterd said i was speeding aswell did he

[thomasd]

Doctor, I Have a Problem

 

"Doctor," the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore.

 

"Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."

 

The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Okay, you may put your clothes back on."

 

The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."

 

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[Guest WINGS 04]

Following ryan giggs new deal with manchester united, kyel lafferty thinks it's about time he had talks about a new contract..... His agent is confident he can get him 300minets and unlimited texts for £25 a month

[Delboy]

Following ryan giggs new deal with manchester united, kyel lafferty thinks it's about time he had talks about a new contract..... His agent is confident he can get him 300minets and unlimited texts for £25 a month

 

 

I like it Rab, he is a numpty ,I do agree thats all hes worth

[Roland]

Bloke walks into a 'Car Spares' shop and asks the assistance 'Have you a window wiper for my Skoda;?

The assistance replies 'I think that's a fair swap'.

[Guest Freebird]

What do you call a Skoda with a sunroof?

A skip!

[Guest Freebird]

A guy on his doctors appointment takes out his willy and lays it on the Doc's desk. Doctor says, what's the problem with it?

Nothing replies the guy but don't you think it's a cracker!!!

[Delboy]

A guy on his doctors appointment takes out his willy and lays it on the Doc's desk. Doctor says, what's the problem with it?

Nothing replies the guy but don't you think it's a cracker!!!

 

[walterbmasson]

was that not jimmy the nob fa carstairs

[Guest Freebird]

A big black dude returns home after his doctors appointment and his wife says, "why you got dat fancy suit, dem big gold chains, watch and diamond ear studs on?"

He replied, "Well dat doctor made me feel real good, he says as impotent"