ghostrider

Nice Gesture ... It's not all about money

My father in law has been watching a medical program about antibiotics and the digestive system. By a professor ...It appears that if all the bacteria good and bad is killed through antibiotics, the good cannot regenerate on its own, and neither can it be put back through yoghurt/probiotics. The only way, the program said, was through putting someone else's poo directly into the stomach (via endoscopy) , this donor had to have a healthy digestion themselves. It's like if you buy a brand new fish tank you have to put a bacterial culture from another established tank before the water is suitable for fish to live in. This is surely the same for all living things. Don't POO POO IT

A mate told me about a article about Jos Soontjens set up etc Could be late 80s/early 90s That's all I know,

Anyone got this? I'm after a copy.

Minus his ets ring This is becoming quite the norm now

John and his wife Mary were having a shower together when the doorbell rang. Mary heard the bell, got out of the shower, wrapped a towel around her, went downstairs, and opened the door. Their neighbour Charlie looked at her from the doorway and said, "Oh, I see that I got you out of the shower. Sorry about that." "That's all right," Mary said, "What do you want?" "Not too much... my goodness you have beautiful skin. It's so pink from the shower. Mary, if I was to give you a hundred pounds, would you remove the towel from your upper body?" Mary thought about it for a minute, figured why not for a hundred pounds, and then removed the towel from her breasts. "Wow", Charlie exclaimed, "They are truly beautiful. Listen, for another hundred pounds would you consider taking the towel all the way off?" Why not, Mary thought, that's a lot of money, and she dropped the towel completely to the floor. Charlie had a good look, complimented her again on her fine looking body, reached into his pocket, took out two hundred pounds, gave it to her and left. As she got back upstairs and was getting back into the shower, John asked her who was at the door. "Just Charlie", she said,as she started to rub his back. "Charlie eh", said John, "Did he give you the two hundred pounds he owed me?"

A new irish priest at his first mass was so nervous he couldn't stand still. He asked irish father Murphy for some advice. irish father Murphy replied, "When I'm worried about gettin' nervous on the pulpit, I take a wee bit o' whiskey. Just to calm my nerves." So the next Sunday he took the older irish priest's advice. Before the mass, he got nervous and took a drink. He then proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door: 1. A few sips of whiskey. Not the whole bottle. 2. There are 10 commandments, not 12. 3. There are 12 disciples, not 10. 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7. The irish father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Senior, Junior, and the Spook. 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh** out of him. 9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say "He was stoned off his ass." 10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T! 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body"; he did not say, Eat me." 12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry". 13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yea God" 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peters', not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Paddy was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin. The doctor said,'Well, you need three things from a Do-It-Yourself shop. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint... And a shovel.' Paddy asked, 'And what do I do with these, doc?' The doc replied, 'Before the wedding night, you paint one of your testicles red and the other one blue. If she says, "That's the strangest pair of balls I ever saw", you hit her with the shovel!!!."

Interesting Human Body Facts - The largest cell in the human body is the female egg, and the smallest is the male sperm. - A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball (a bit bigger than a cricket ball). - It takes food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach. - The attachment of human muscles to skin is what causes dimples. - The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb. - A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. - If the average male never shaved, his beard would be 13 feet long when he died. - Men with hairless chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair. - There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet. - Side by side, 2000 cells from the human body could cover about one square inch. - Women blink twice as much as men. - The average person's skin weighs twice as much as their brain. - When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate...they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate! - Your ears secrete more earwax when you are afraid than when you aren't. - Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still. - If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it. - The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man. *** You looked at your thumb... Didn't you!!

A Somali arrives in Swindon as a new immigrant to the UK. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr Englishman for letting me in this country!" But the passer-by says, "You are mistaken, I am a Pakistani." The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Britain!" The person says, "I no Blitish. I flom Hong Kong". The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, "Thank you for the wonderful Britain!" That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Iran, I am not British". He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you a British citizen?" She says, "No, I am from Romania!" So he is puzzled, and asks her, "Where are all the British?" The Romanian lady looks at her watch, shrugs and says, "Probably at work!"

Do you fellas use this in your feed..in feeding for Old/Young-bird Sprint racing? Also.... Jos Soontjens said he never broke them down,ie Barley,he stated that they were already broken down when they returned from a race.

13/14,Salisbury 143.1632...Libbed 9.45 timed in 12.47 A black pvdmr hen

A preacher wanted to earn money for the building expansion program of his church. He had heard there was big money in horse racing, so he decided to purchase a horse and enter him in the races. However, at the local auction the going price for horses was too steep and the preacher ended up buying a donkey. The preacher figured he had the donkey, he might as well enter it in the race. The next day the donkey came in third. The racing form's headline the following day read, "Preacher's Ass Shows." The preacher was so pleased with his donkey that he entered him the next day also. The donkey won. The newspaper's headline read, "Preachers Ass Out in Front." The bishop was so upset with this type of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in the races anymore. Then, the headlines read, "Bishop Scratches Preacher's Ass." This was too much for the bishop, and he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give the animal to a nearby convent. Next day's headlines read, "Nuns Have Best Ass in Town." The bishop fainted! He informed the nuns to get rid of the animal. So they sold it to a farmer for $10.00. Next day the paper read, "Nun Peddles Ass for Ten Bucks." They buried the bishop the next day. The paper read, "Too Much Ass Responsible for Bishop's Death

A preacher wanted to earn money for the building expansion program of his church. He had heard there was big money in horse racing, so he decided to purchase a horse and enter him in the races. However, at the local auction the going price for horses was too steep and the preacher ended up buying a donkey. The preacher figured he had the donkey, he might as well enter it in the race. The next day the donkey came in third. The racing form's headline the following day read, "Preacher's Ass Shows." The preacher was so pleased with his donkey that he entered him the next day also. The donkey won. The newspaper's headline read, "Preachers Ass Out in Front." The bishop was so upset with this type of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in the races anymore. Then, the headlines read, "Bishop Scratches Preacher's Ass." This was too much for the bishop, and he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give the animal to a nearby convent. Next day's headlines read, "Nuns Have Best Ass in Town." The bishop fainted! He informed the nuns to get rid of the animal. So they sold it to a farmer for $10,Next day the paper read, "Nun Peddles Ass for Ten Bucks." They buried the bishop the next day. The paper read, "Too Much Ass Responsible for Bishop's Death." Have a nice day

There's a bunch of doctors gathered together at a doctor's convention one night. A male doctor notices a female doctor from across the room. The female doctor notices also and the next thing you know, they're sitting next to each other by the end of dinner. After dinner, the male asks the woman if she wants to go up to his hotel room. ''Sure,'' the woman says. ''Let me go wash my hands first.'' After she washes her hands, they have sex. After they are finished, she washes her hands again. This is really starting to annoy the male doctor so he says, ''You know, you must be a surgeon, because you keep washing your hands.'' Angry at this remark, the woman says, ''Well, you must be an anasthesiologist, because I didn't feel a thing!''

Cheap I WISH My black pvdmrs last year cost me a fortune Wish u all the best

Good morning...Suns out..and no wind up to now Bought a large tin of Woodstain,back and side of lofts need a couple of coats. Get that job out of the way today. Atb

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing how stupid their wives were. The Englishman says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought £300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a freezer to keep it in." The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent £17,000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!" The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both fell out of the stupid tree and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "Ah, it kills me every toime oi tink of it," he chuckles. "Moy woife just left to go on a holiday in Greece. Oy watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there. And she doesn't even have a penis!"

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you. ''

I bought some of these flavoured condoms the other day. Said to my wife, "Let's have a game - I put one on and you try to guess what flavour it is." She closed her eyes, went under the blanket and said, "Cheese and onion flavour." I said, "For f**ks sake, give me time to put one on."

It was Paddy and Seamus giving the motorcycle a ride on a brisk autumn day. After a wee bit, Paddy who was sitt'n behind Seamus on the bike began to holler ..."Seamus ... Seamus ... the wind is cutt'n me chest out!" "Well, Paddy my lad," said Seamus, "why don't you take your jacket off and turn it from front to back ... that'll block the wind for you." So Paddy took Seamus' advice and turned his jacket from front to back and got back on the bike and the two of them were off down the road again. After a bit, Seamus turned to talk to Paddy and was horrified to see that Paddy was not there. Seamus immediately turned the bike around and retraced their route. When after a short time he came to a turn and saw a bunch of farmers standing around Paddy who was sitting on the ground. "T'anks be to heaven, is he alright?" Seamus hailed to the farmers. "Well," said one of the farmers, " he was alright when we found him here .. but since we turned his head back to front .. he hasn't said a word since!"

A man enters the confessional and says "Bless me father for I have sinned; it has been one month since my last confession. I've had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month." The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's." Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months." This time the priest asks, "Who is this Fannie Green?" "A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies. "Very well," says the priest. "Go and say ten Hail Mary's." The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church. All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits, down in front of the altar. Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes. The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly spread apart, Sharon Stone style. The priest turns to the altar boy and whispering asks, "Is that Fannie Green?" The altar boy replies, "No Father, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes".

A model was shagging her boyfriend when suddenly a bee flew up into her vaginia the model started screaming so the boyfriend called her doctor over. The doctor came 5 minutes later he told the model to get into her four post bed and told her boyfriend to go and get some honey So the boyfriend gave the doctor some honey. The boyfriend waits outside. After about 10 minutes the boyfriend looks in the to see the curtains closed and the models clothes on the floor. The man rushed in to see the doctor sticking his pen**with honey on in the ladies vaginia moving it around. The doctor explains to the man how he was to trying to attract the bee out. The man closed the curtain and then heard the model saying ’You naughty boy’. The man again opened the curtains to see the doctors hand pressing down on the ladies boobs and pushing his pen**more deeper into the ladies virginiaThe doctor than shouted it's not working so I’m going to drown the damn thing!

A Catholic, a Protestant, a Muslim and a Jew were discussing business during a dinner. Catholic: "I have a large fortune... I am going to buy CITIBANK!" Protestant: "I am very wealthy and will buy GENERAL MOTORS!" Muslim: "I am a fabulously rich prince... I intend to purchase SABIC*!" They then all wait for the Jew to speak... The Jew stirs his coffee, places the spoon neatly on the table, takes a sip of his coffee, looks at them and casually says: "I'M NOT SELLING!"

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying *expletive removed*! You've been playing golf!"