Dog.

[greenlands]

Yesterday I was at my local Woolworths store .

buying a large bag of Pedigree dog food for my loyal pet Scrambles and was

in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

 

What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have

little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was

starting the Pedigree Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't,

because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before

I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices

and IVs in both arms.

 

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it

works is to load your pockets with Pedigree nuggets and simply eat one or

two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it

works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that

practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)...

 

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog

food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish

Setter's * word deleted * and a car hit me.

 

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was

laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Woolworths.

 

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the

world to think of daft things to say.

[blaz]

a wee Scottie dug and a big German Shepard dug are in the vets the Shepard says to the Scottie dug what you in for.the Scottie dug said the bairn kept puling my wee tail so i nipped him .yer getting put down for that ,yip said the Scottie dug what you in for he asked the Shepard. the Shepard said this morning my owner dropped her towel when she came out the shower.i jumped on her like a shot.the Scottie said you getting put down for that .no said the Shepard i am getting my nails cut

[gulkie]

That's brill had me in tears and my wife to.

[Guest GAV]

BRILLIANT :emoticon-0136-giggle:

[William Reid]

a wee Scottie dug and a big German Shepard dug are in the vets the Shepard says to the Scottie dug what you in for.the Scottie dug said the bairn kept puling my wee tail so i nipped him .yer getting put down for that ,yip said the Scottie dug what you in for he asked the Shepard. the Shepard said this morning my owner dropped her towel when she came out the shower.i jumped on her like a shot.the Scottie said you getting put down for that .no said the Shepard i am getting my nails cut

Fpmsl :emoticon-0137-clapping:

[buster151]

brilliant best laugh for ages :emoticon-0140-rofl: :emoticon-0137-clapping: