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Just had a parcel from Holland , when I opened it, it was a rubber fanny. That's nice I thought, 'two lips from Amsterdam '!

 

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My dad worked on the roadwork’s for twenty years before he got fired for stealing!

 

At first I didn't believe it.... but when I got home all the signs were there.

 

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A recent survey reported that three quarters of men don't know how to turn on the dish washer.

 

I find that licking her nipples and a light gentle fingering usually does the trick.

 

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My girlfriend says that a small penis won’t affect our relationship. Whether she's right or not, I'd prefer it if she didn't have one at all!

 

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A woman is walking down the street and see's a sign in the pet shop window reading, "FANNY LICKING FROG £25" curious the woman proceeds inside and says to the shop keeper, "I'd like to see the fanny licking frog please." To which the shop keeper replies, "Bonjour!"

 

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I was on a train this morning, in the loo, when a voice called out "Can I see your ticket please?"

 

"Not right now." I replied, "I'm having a sh**."

 

"I don't believe you." Said the voice. "Slide it under the door."

 

"No probs," I said. "The yellow bits are Sweetcorn!"

 

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Everyone's a comedian nowadays.

 

Even the paramedic who was unable to resuscitate Whitney couldn't avoid a gag!

 

When he radioed dispatch and said "It's Houston , we have a problem!"

 

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