If you don't laugh... check your pulse!!

[Roland]

If you can read this whole story without laughing then there is no hope

for you

 

 

 

Natal Curry Contest.

 

 

For those of you who have lived in Natal, you know how typical this is.

They actually have a curry cook-off about June/July. It takes up a major

portion of a parking lot at the Royal Show in PMB.

 

Judge 3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was visiting

from America.

Frank: "Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a Curry

Cook off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I

happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions

to the Beer Garden when the call came in. I was assured by the other two

judges (Natal Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy and

besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I

accepted". Here are the scorecard notes from the event.

 

Curry Contest 1-8

 

CURRY 1 - SEELAN'S MANIAC MONSTER TOMATO CURRY

 

Judge 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

 

Judge 2 -- Nice smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

 

Judge 3 (Frank) -- Holy sh*t, what the hell is this stuff? You could

remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the

flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These people are crazy.

 

CURRY 2 - PHOENIX BBQ CHICKEN CURRY

 

Judge 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of chicken. Slight chilli tang.

 

Judge 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken

seriously.

 

Judge 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what

I'm

supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted

to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre! They had to rush in more beer when

they saw the look on my face.

 

CURRY 3 - SHAMILA'S FAMOUS 'BURN DOWN THE GARAGE' CURRY

 

Judge 1 -- Excellent firehouse curry. Great kick.

 

Judge 2 -- A bit salty, good use of chilli peppers.

 

Judge 3 -- Call 911. I've located a uranium pill. My nose feels like I

have been snorting Drain Cleaner. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get

me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my

backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting p*ssed from all

the beer.

 

 

CURRY 4 - BABOO'S BLACK MAGIC BEAN CURRY

 

Judge 1 -- Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.

 

Judge 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or

Other mild foods, not much of a curry.

 

Judge 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to

taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Shareen, the beer maid,

was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 200kg woman is starting

to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chilli an

aphrodisiac?

 

CURRY 5 - LALL'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

 

Judge 1 -- Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding

considerable kick. Very impressive.

 

Judge 2 -- Average beef curry, could use more tomato. Must admit the

chilli peppers make a strong statement.

 

Judge 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I

can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed

paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her

chilli had given me brain damage. Shareen saved my tongue from bleeding

by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning

my lips off.

It really p*sses me off that the other judges asked me to stop

screaming.

Scr*w them.

 

CURRY 6 - VERISHNEE'S VEGETARIAN VARIETY

 

Judge 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of

spices and peppers.

 

Judge 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.

Superb.

 

Judge 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,

sulphuric flames. I am definitely going to sh*t myself if I fart and I'm

worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand

behind me except that Shareen. Can't feel my lips anymore I need to wipe

my ar*e with a snow cone ice-cream.

 

CURRY 7 - SELINA'S 'MOTHER-IN-LAW'S-TONGUE' CURRY

 

Judge 1 -- A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.

 

Judge 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of

chilli peppers at the last moment. (I should take note at this stage

that I am worried about Judge 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress

as he is cursing uncontrollably).

 

Judge 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I

wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds

like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which

slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my

shirt. At least, during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've

decided to stop breathing - it's too painful. Scr*w it; I'm not getting

any oxygen anyway.

If I need air I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my

stomach.

 

 

 

CURRY 8 - NAIDOO'S TOENAIL CURLING CURRY

 

Judge 1 -- The perfect ending. This is a nice blend curry. Not too bold

but spicy enough to declare its existence.

 

Judge 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced curry. Neither mild nor

hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge 3 farted, passed

out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure

if he's going to make it. Poor man, wonder how he'd have reacted to

really hot curry?

 

Judge 3 - No Report

 

[ChrisMaidment08]

oh   well

[ChrisMaidment08]

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D :o :o > > > :'( :'( :'( :'( :B :B :B :'( :'( ;D ;D :o

[tippler1]

looks like i am dead lol

[carlsberg]

i laughed the 1st time it was posted

[Guest spin cycle]

thanks roland...i needed a good laugh and that did the trick:)

[harky]

GOOD AM PISHING MASEL ,THATS MY KIND OF HUMOUR ;D ;D ;D ;D