Irish smiles

[Guest kevin b]

Irish Smiles

 

* Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty

years, but he will kill any man who does.

 

* Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn

thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.

 

* The late Bishop Sheen stated that the reason the Irish fight so often

among themselves is that they're always assured of having a worthy

opponent.

 

* An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an

Irishman a question, he answers with another question?"

"Who told you that?" asked Paddy.

 

* Question - Why are Irish jokes so simple?

Answer - So the English can understand them.

 

* Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out

and announced, "Not guilty."

"That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"

 

* Irish lass customer: "Could I be trying on that dress in the window?"

Shopkeeper: "I'd prefer that you use the dressing room."

 

* Mrs. Feeney shouted from the kitchen, "Is that you I hear spittin' in

the vase on the mantle piece?"

"No," said himself, "but I'm getting closer all the time."

 

* Q. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?

A. A bachelor.

 

* Finnegin: " My wife has a terrible habit of staying up 'til two

o'clock in the morning. I can't break her of it. "

Keenan: " What on earth is she doin' up at that time? "

Finnegin: " Waitin' for me to come home . "

 

* Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. "Quick!" he said.

"Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!"

"Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked.

"No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."

 

* "O'Ryan," asked the druggist, "did that mudpack I gave you improve

your wife's appearance?"

"It did surely," replied O'Ryan, "but it keeps fallin' off!"

 

* Did you hear about the Irish newlyweds who sat up all night on their

honeymoon waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?

 

* My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your

sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and

highlights of theirs?

[Guest wattle]

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[cemetary]

Very good,  ;D ;D ;D ;D

[Guest anto]

great very funny ;D ;D ;D ;D

[hotrod]

yer  aff ma heid kevin  ;D ;D ;D ;D

[Guest youngboy]

;D ;D brillaint some great jokes there