Ian McKay

WIVES - BAH HUMBUG. When your best mate steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. ................. After mariage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin ; they just can't face each other,but they still stay together. ................ Wives inspire us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. ................. The great question, which I have not been able to answer......is, " What does a wife want ? " ................. I had some words with my wife, and she had some pargraphs with me. ................. Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant, two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. ................. There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. ................... I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't. ................... Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming. 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it. 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. .................... The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. ................... You know what I did before I got married ? Anything I wanted to. ..................... My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met again. ...................... A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. ....................... Classifieds : " Wife wanted." Next day he receieved a hundred letters. All said the same thing : " You can have mine." BRIAN REEVES

WIVES - BAH HUMBUG. When your best mate steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. ................. After mariage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin ; they just can't face each other,but they still stay together. ................ Wives inspire us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. ................. The great question, which I have not been able to answer......is, " What does a wife want ? " ................. I had some words with my wife, and she had some pargraphs with me. ................. Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant, two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. ................. There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. ................... I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't. ................... Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming. 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it. 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. .................... The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. ................... You know what I did before I got married ? Anything I wanted to. ..................... My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met again. ...................... A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. ....................... Classifieds : " Wife wanted." Next day he receieved a hundred letters. All said the same thing : " You can have mine." BRIAN REEVES

A sad reality This morning I was sitting on the beach next to a homeless man. I asked him how he had ended up this way. He said," Up until last week, I still had it all." A cook, cooked my meals, my room was cleaned, my clothes were washed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, I went to the gym, the pool, the library, I could still go to school. I asked him, " What happened ? Drugs ? Alchohol ? Divorce ? Oh No, nothing like that he said. No ,No, No........ they released me from prison. BRIAN REEVES

GOD BLESS THE SCOUSERS " As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, " I still prefer my pub back home in Glasgow. There's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink." " Ahhhh, dat's nothin," said Paddy Sheehan the Irishman. " Back home in me favorite pub in Galway, after you buy three drinks, the landlord will buy the next two." "Well you two", said the Englishman from Liverpool, in my pub in Walton, when you buy two drinks the landlord will buy the next three drinks, then when you have had enough he will give you a meal for free, then take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the House." The Scotsman and the Irishman were suspicious of the claims, asking, " Did this actually happen to you ? " " Not me personally, " admitted the Scouser, " but it did happen to my sister quite a few times."

Warning about what you buy on eBAY Be careful what you buy on eBay. If you buy on line, check out the seller carefully. I just spent £95, plus postage, on a willy enlarger. They sent me a magnifying glass with instructions, " DO NOT USE IN SUNLIGHT." BRIAN REEVES

One for Delboy RULES are RULES ?? A Scottish Jew soon about to retire decided to take up pigeon racing, so he applied for membership at his local Racing Pigeon Club. About a weel later he received a letter saying that his application had been rejected. He went along to the club to enquire as to why and was introduced to the Secretary. Secretary : You are aware that this is a Scottish Pigeon Club ? Scot : Aye, but I am as Scottish as you are, my name is MacTavish. Secretary : Do you know that on some formal occasions we wear a kilt ? Scot : Aye, I do know, and I wear a kilt too. Secretary : Are you also aware, that we wear nothing under the kilt ? Scot : Aye, and neither do I. Secretary : Are you also aware, that the members sit naked in the steam room after doing a Charity Run ? Scot : Aye, I also do the same. Secretary : But you are a Jew. Scot : Aye, I be that. Secretary : So, being Jewish, you are circumcised, is that correct ? Scot : Aye, I be that, too. Secretary : I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feel comfortable sitting in a steam room with you, since your private parts are different from theirs. Scot : Ach, I know that you have to be a protestant to march with the Orangemen. I also know that you have to be a Catholic to join the Knights of Columbus, but this is the first time I've heard that you have to be a complete pr@ck to join a Pigeon Club.On the other hand it makes sense that you would have to be a complete pr@ck to want to join a Pigeon Club, GOODBYE. BRIAN REEVES

Happy Birthday guy's hope you have a nice one :emoticon-0123-party: Come on the Dandy Dons :emoticon-0138-thinking:

Brilliant guys well done :emoticon-0137-clapping: :emoticon-0137-clapping:

This was the idea of my post to get others ideas there is always an answer it's finding it that's hard :emoticon-0137-clapping: :emoticon-0136-giggle:

This appeals to me could it be done YES with a little more thought and organisation Thanks Brilliant :emoticon-0137-clapping: :emoticon-0137-clapping:

Covered that in my first article John Quote Your right Stuart but what took you so long to realise what is happening Pigeon men cannot agree on anything we have transporters running 60% empty but will not convoy others We have clubs with only 2 or 3 members flying but will not join a bigger clubs We have fanciers who cannot get into a club Clubs that cannot get into Feds Unions that won't uphold the interests of ALL members We have 2 National clubs in Scotland which is ridiculous ?? We have Unions that are only interested in making money and do not represent there members properly (not going to quote problems we all know them) We seem to be governed by people only interested in there own Egos We have some dominant people who want there own way at any cost Why you may ask Answer we the members don't want to do anything we are happy to leave it to others and then complain when things go wrong but we will still not do anything about it I could go on all day but why at 68 I think I have seen it all Greed Profit Spitefullness Lack of support Lack of interest Unhelpfull members And the ego trippers And the biggest of all the RSPB and there Very powerfull lobbying of Parliment our Unions cannot and will not compete so we just keep funding charities who do not help us in any way I do not know any other sport or organisation that has this problem and sits back and accepts it untill we get TOGETHER and all sing from the same hymn sheet we will get NOWHERE Hope the members get there birds back but for what another slaughter next week? Good on your driver for reporting it and Officials for not covering it up Ian Mckay

I am an optimist they said that when I wanted to put a NEW geraldy transporter on the road for my Fed Well with a lot of hard work and great patience and lottery grants we got our NEW transporter in 2007 They said SNP would not win well they almost did and I predict they will win next time round 56 seats gave everyone else a major fright At 68 I am still up for a challenge of any kind the worm always turns

I did address this one Quote Are our conditions on board transporters correct ie temperatures / air flow / light / ventilation / feeding / watering Are our numbers in crates correct? Most transporter run 60% empty so will giving birds slightly more room help? Are birds given enough time to recover from the journey to the race point? Or otherwise

Not if it illegal nothing illegal will help it fall into place We can see what a couple of seagull have done and even the Prime Minister is looking at it we nee to bring our plight to his attention and ask for his help

Brilliant Archie 56 MPs can we get them on our case has anyone access to them or there e-mails if so lets get sending some it cannot doo any harm if worded right

I did address this Quote Where do we get an honest and realistically priced person to fight our case with BOP (we need a great team of dedicated honest people) Can one team work properly for England / Scotland / Wales / Ireland

Going by the 2 replies so far we have no hope in resolving the problems I recon some 10,000 birds or more are missing in Scotland last weekend hope BOP have big larders No hope of anyone looking in a mirror Serious issues not being addressed just passing the buck Oh dear

My thoughts on trying to improving our liberations and racing we need to get our house in order before throwing stones at others Would a specialist weather / meteorologist help and where do we get one interested in pigeons? How do we help race controllers? Should we have a training course for them? Would it help? Where do we get an honest and realistically priced person to fight our case with BOP (we need a great team of dedicated honest people) Can one team work properly for England / Scotland / Wales / Ireland Are our method of committees correct or do they just work for there own interests? Are our officials intelligent enough for the job? Are our conditions on board transporters correct ie temperatures / air flow / light / ventilation / feeding / watering Are our numbers in crates correct? Most transporter run 60% empty so will giving birds slightly more room help? Are birds given enough time to recover from the journey to the race point? Or otherwise Are race programs for youngsters correct or do we play catch up for the Nationals? Are race programs for Old birds correct or do we play catch up for the Nationals? Should we insist on all youngsters having a training toss or 2 from the transporter before racing with an overnight stop so they can learn how to drink from the vehicle? Are we as fanciers failing in our duty to basket train our youngsters properly? Are we observant enough as to birds being put into race panniers Ill or in poor condition? I have observed an increase of Quill mite and Lice on birds is this a problem? i.e. are fanciers treating there birds correctly? Are we as pigeon fanciers aware of the condition of our birds should we run training classes maybe with a vet on how to look after our birds

Out at sea immediately at liberation it is brutal :emoticon-0179-headbang:

Have you watched the Derby Arona liberations and the BOP attacks ? Water don't stop them

I think some clubs last year went for Friday or Sunday racing wonder how they got on? Do we really understand why we get good or Bad races? Race controllers in general do a thankless job they do not want the smashes they sometimes get and if they are in the job long enough they will get it ! Is it time to get Professional help from weather experts or is this pie in the sky? Where is the answer? I don't know but we must keep looking or we are doomed someone some where will come up with it we must keep questioning everything

They are all the same to my lugs Walter :emoticon-0138-thinking:

It's your glasga accent :emoticon-0136-giggle:

Glad you clarified that All I am saying is good on D Barrie and G Duncan for informing there members instead of blaming everything else and I reiterate it is the first time I have heard of the Officials making it known to there members

A big conversation (your words not mine) is different to you or anyone else advertising a CULL or the deliberate poisoning of an bird that is protected whether you like it or not The site is responsible for all posts and will not tollerate posts of this nature THEY WILL BE REMOVED WITHOUT WARNING