ghostrider Posted July 30, 2015 Report Posted July 30, 2015 Man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers." He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a pit bull terrier. "What are you going to do", the homeowner asks? "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner. "If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!"
ghostrider Posted July 30, 2015 Author Report Posted July 30, 2015 An oldie, but goodie... Red Rum and Shergar are having a pint. Red Rum said: "There I was, in the National, and I was running out of steam. In fact I was going to pull up. But there was this bloke in the crowd who shouted "come on Red Rum" and suddenly my spirits were lifted and I found the extra energy and went on to win". "Same thing happened to me", said Shergar "Three furlongs out in the Derby and I was beat. But this voice in the crowd shouted "come on Shergar", I immediately found an extra gear and the rest is history". At this point, Scurlogue (who had been patiently listening), joined the conversation. "Funny that", he said, "There I was at Catford one night, stone last and too much to find. I was about to stop chasing. Then a voice in the crowd shouted "come on Scurlogue" and I put on a spurt, overtook the rest of the field, won by 12 lengths and broke the track record". "I don't believe a word" said Shergar. "Neither do I" said Red Rum. "Who's ever heard of a greyhound that can talk?"
cemetary Posted July 30, 2015 Report Posted July 30, 2015 Man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers." He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a pit bull terrier. "What are you going to do", the homeowner asks? "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner. "If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!" PMSL :emoticon-0136-giggle: :emoticon-0136-giggle:
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