No More Headaches

[Roland]

Hearing Problems

A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife.

He says to the doctor, "Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because

she never hears me the first time and always asks me to

repeat things." "Well," the doctor replied, "go home and

tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to

her. If she doesn't reply move about 5 feet close and say it

again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the

severity of her deafness".

Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly

as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the

kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says,

"Honey, what's for dinner?" He hears no response. He

moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He

moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and

moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks

again, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"

 

Regular Inspection

A married woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

"Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" She pushed him into the closet stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked him.

"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.

"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.

"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied.

"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.

The man looked down at himself and said, ......

"Well those Little *expletive removed*!"

 

No More Headaches

A man is having terrible headaches. He can't sleep, eat, think, or do much of anything because of the pain. Several doctors examined him and couldn't determine the cause of his problem. He finally went to one of the top neurological specialists in the country who examines him and says, "I've found the cause of the pain. Your testicles are pushing up into your spine. The constant pressureon the spine causes the headaches. The only thing I can do is perform surgery and remove your testicles."

The man is shocked to hear this but the decision is not difficult as he know he cannot stand the pain of the headaches. He has the surgery and immediately fells like a new man. The pain is completely gone and he feels like he has a new life. He is so happy he decides to buy himself a new suit. He goes to a small men's shop and tells the old tailor that he wants to buy a suit.

"Sure," says the tailor. "You're a 42 long, right?"

"Wow, how did you know?" says the man.

"Hey, I've been in this business a long time. You learn a few things" said the tailor."

The tailor brought the man a suit that fit perfectly. It looked so good that the man decided to buy a new shirt to go with it.

"16, 34, right?" said the tailor.

"Right again!" said the man. "You're amazing."

"Hey, I've been in this business a long time. You learn a few things".

The tailor brought a shirt and tie and they looked great. The man said, "Hey, let's go for broke. Give me a pair of the silk boxers too."

The tailor said, "36 right?"

"I'm disappointed," said the man. "But 2 out of 3 is still good. I wear size 34 boxers." The tailor said, "Hey, I've been in this business for a long time and I think you need 36."

The man replied, "It's obvious you know your business but I've worn size 34 for as long as I can remember. I'm going to have to disagree with you on this one".

"Hey look," said the tailor, "I'll sell you whatever you want. But I've been in this business a long time. If you wear a size 34 it's gonna push your nuts up into your spine and give you terrible headaches."

 

[DOVEScot]

:)