A few to keep you going

Roland · July 17, 2008

A bear, a lion and a chicken meet.

The Bear says: "If I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with fear."

The Lion says: "If I roar in the desert, the entire desert is afraid of me."

Then the Chicken says: "Big deal. I only have to cough, and the entire

planet sh*t's itself."

Another one

Two good ole small town boys were sitting around talking one afternoon over a couple of cold beers.

After a while the first guy says to the second, "If I was to sneak over to your house Saturday and make love to your wife while you was off hunting and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"

The second guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head and squeezed his eyes shut, thinking real hard about the question.

Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it sure would make us even!"

Another one

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?" His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

Time for another joke

A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.

He says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline.

Have you ever used the product?"

She says, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."

"And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?"

"We use it for sex."

The researcher was a little taken aback.

"Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?"

The woman says, "I don't mind telling you at all... My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out."

Did you hear about the man who became a millionaire with one homing pigeon?

He sold it for a dollar and it kept coming home a million times!

An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish Sandington building,

when a young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of

expensive perfume.

She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Lauren,£100 a bottle'!

Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Channel No. 5, £75 a bottle"

About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, lets off, then says ... "Baked beans ...55p

Two old girls are sitting on a park bench and one turns to the other and says

" I've been sitting here so long that my bums gone to sleep",

"I know' the other replies ' I can hear it snoring."

For his birthday, little Joe asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father

said, 'Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is £200,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it.'

The next day the father saw little Joe heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, 'Son, where are you going?' Little Joe told him; 'I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she

was coming too. Well I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a £200,000 mortgage & no flipping bike’!