University eh.

[Roland]

Bearing in mind the troubles which have befallen the Australian airline Quantas in the last couple of weeks, this may be of some comfort to anyone who may be considering flying with them in the near future.

 

Qantas Airlines: Repair Division

 

Remember, it takes a university degree to fly a plane but only an NVQ to fix one.

 

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

 

The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.

 

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.

 

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

 

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident leading to fatalities.

  

 

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

 

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

 

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

 

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on order.

 

P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

 

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

 

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

 

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

 

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

P: Aircraft handles funny

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

 

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

 

And the best one for last..................

 

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

[Roland]

And then......... remember, Think I POSTED BEFORE, REMEMBER :-/

 

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 40s, 50s, 60, 70s and 80s.

 

We survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.

 

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a tin, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

 

Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.

 

Wehad no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and whenwe rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we tookhitchhiking.

 

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

 

Riding in the back of a van - loose - was always exciting and great fun.

 

We drank water from the garden hose or tap and NOT from a bottle.

 

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle or can and NO ONE actually died from this.

 

We ate cakes, white bread and real butter and drank cordial with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......

 

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

 

 

 

 

 

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

 

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

 

Wewould spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ridedown the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After runninginto the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem .

 

Wedid not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, No video games at all,No 99 channels, No Pay TV, No cable, No DVD movies or surround sound..

 

It's crazy! We even had No mobile phones, No text messaging, No personal computers, No Internet or Internet chat rooms..........

 

WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

 

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

 

We played with worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

 

Made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we didn't poke out anyone's eye.

 

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

 

Localteams had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't hadto learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

 

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

 

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

 

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

 

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all!

 

And YOU are one of them!

 

CONGRATULATIONS!

 

Youmight want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow upas kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives forour own good. And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so theywill know how brave their parents were.

 

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with your eyes shut holding a pair of scissors, doesn't it?!

[Guest Vic]

Brilliant Roland! But you missed out the thirties, plenty of us still knocking around. I still remember my mickey mouse gas mask/bed.    

[Roland]

Aye, I'm a forties man... Remember the brown trucks that were cast away every where, and Vic, the gas masks eh! Everywhere, if we'd collected the two items above we'd be well of now.

Houses inside, were brown or  green or both, Gas Mantles that split if you looked at them lol... Mum so worried as no money to replace eh lol.

Who had the three different sized ducks on the wall... seemed like every one. Brick Tiles with a bit on Lino in middle if lucky. Then had made rug to go in the middle. The coal fire so warm on your front, and the draught freezing your back, and winters favourite words. Oi shut the flaming door' before you even got in the flipping room lol