thinking again ...

[Roland]

:-/ :-/ ;) :-/ ;D ;D 8) :K) :D ;D ;D :-/ :-/ :o

 

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum."  :-/

 

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

 

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

 

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car pool lane?

 

Profound Thoughts - Ever Wonder?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

 

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

 

Why does a Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

 

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?

They're both dogs!

 

What do you call male ballerinas?

 

If Wile E. Coyote from the Road Runner had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

 

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

 

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

 

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

 

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

 

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

 

Stop singing and read on . . .

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

 

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's on the outside of your ass?

 

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

 

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

I press the red button next to me, the nurse brought my medication, and perhaps it will all become clear to me again.

Ah here  we go again.

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

 

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor....

 

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

 

4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

 

5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

 

6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

 

7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

 

8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

 

9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

 

10. Is there another word for synonym?

 

11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

 

12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

 

13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

 

14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

 

15 Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will

clean them?

 

16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

 

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

 

18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

 

19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

 

20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

 

21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

 

22. One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

 

23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

 

24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

 

25. How is it possible to have a civil war?

 

26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

 

27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?

 

28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

 

29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?

 

30. Why are haemorrhoids called "haemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

 

31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

 

32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

 

33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?

 

34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

 

There are many good reasons for drinking, one has just entered my head.

If a man doesn't drink when he's living, How in the hell can he drink when he's dead?

 

When my new father in law told me that the wife’s mother would give me sound advice.

 

She did 99% sound

 

So Winners never Quit ... Quitters never win

 

So remember as you slide down the banister of life, let’s hope the splinters never point in the wrong direction!