the passing of a beloved old friend

[Roland]

 

'Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who  has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens

suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

  It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust his wife, Discretion his daughter, Responsibility his son, Reason

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;

I Know My Rights

I Want It Now

Someone Else Is To Blame

I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing

 

Japanese scientists have created  a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with  her mouth shut.  

 

 

A boy  asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labelled LSD?'

Granny  replies, expletive removed* the pills, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!  

 

 

Little  Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees. Next day Billy  comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice?'

Dad looks horrified  and tells Billy all about sex.

Billy just sat there with his mouth open in  amazement.

Dad says, 'So what were you watching?'

Billy says,  'Wimbledon.'  

 

 

A  woman standing nude in front of a mirror says to her husband, I look horrible,  I feel fat & ugly, pay me a compliment.'

He replies, 'Your eyesight is  perfect.'  

 

 

Wife  gets naked & asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty face or my  sexy body?'

Hubby looks her up & down and replies, 'Your sense of  humour!  

 

 

An  elderly couple is attending Mass.

About halfway through, the wife leans  over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think  I should do?'

He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing  aid.'  

 

 

[DOVEScot]

;D ;D ;D

[LISTER]

very good lol ;D ;D ;D ;D