A couple or so more...

[Roland]

 

>      Tickle Me Elmo:

     There is a factory in Northern Minnesota, which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle It under the arms.

     Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

     The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the

     Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws

     Open the door and begins to rant about the new

     Employee.

     

     He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole

     Line is backing up, putting the entire production line

     Behind schedule.       

     The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for

     Himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.

     When they get there the line is so backed up that there

     Are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're

     Really beginning to pile up.       

     At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains

     Of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush

     Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

     The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece

     Of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to

     Carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

     The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.

     After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself

     Together and approaches Lena.

     "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face,

     "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you Yesterday..."

     "Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.

     If you don't send this to five friends right away, There will be five fewer        people laughing in the world!

       

     PS WHERE IS SHIKITOH (MUALI) THESE DAYS

 

A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, 'Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?' He says, 'Ma'am, I'm completely

blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the

sound it makes.' She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He

says, 'That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and

10-LB. Test line. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week

for only £20.00. 'It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of

it dropping on the counter', she says. I'll take it!' As she opens her purse,

her credit card drops on the floor. 'Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,' he says. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only

person around. The clerk rings up the sale and says, 'That'll be £34.50 please.' The woman is totally confused by this and asks, 'Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for £20.00? How did you get £34.50?'

He replies, 'Yes, ma'am. The rod and reel is £20.00, but the Duck Call is £11.00 and the Bull Repellent is £3.50.'

 

A young Canadian soldier was attending some college courses between assignments .

He had also completed missions in Afghanistan.

One of the courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist.  One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He Looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, 'God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes.'

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, 'Here I am God. I'm still waiting.'

  

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the young soldier got out of his Chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off  the platform. The professor was out cold. The young man went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.

The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the soldier and asked, 'What the hell is the matter with! You? Why did you do that?'

Came the reply,

'God was too busy today protecting our soldiers who are protecting your right to talk stupid and act like an ass @#$e.  So, He sent  me'