Roland Posted March 2, 2009 Report Posted March 2, 2009 Something to offend everyone! A history teacher asks a class full of kids 'What was Churchill famous for?' A kid at the back shouts out 'He was the last white man to be called Winston!' - Did you hear about the look-a-like competition in China? Everybody won. What's the ideal weight for a mother-in-law? About 2.3 pounds including the urn. Was so depressed last night that I rang the Samaritans. Got through to a call centre in Pakistan . Told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane...... A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. She says 'Show me it's true what they say about black men'... So he stabbed her and nicked her purse. I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me... 'Oi, what's your disability?' I said 'Tourettes! Now expletive removed* off!' A man is in a queue at Tesco and sees this busty blonde staring at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving. 'Excuse me do I know you?' he asks. 'Yes I think you are the father of one of my kids' she says. The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says 'Are you the bird I shagged on my stag night, whilst your mate whipped me and your other mate stuck a brush up my *expletive removed*?' 'No' she replies 'I'm your son's English teacher!' I said to the wife, 'I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread today, but when I looked again it said 'Thick Cut' ' What's the difference between Harold Shipman and Tony Blair? Shipman actually did something about NHS waiting lists. A bride on her wedding night says to her husband 'I must confess darling, I was a hooker!'. He says 'That's all right, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it'. She replies 'Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan !'. Father Duffy walks into the convent and sees Sister Rose washing the kitchen floor. He's overcome with desire and pushes her onto the ground. As he's shagging her the Rev Mother comes in. 'SISTER ROSE!!!' she roars 'Have some respect. Arch your back girl and keep Father Duffy's balls off the wet floor!!' ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Tampax are changing their design they are repacing the string with a piece of tinsel .... This is for the Christmas period only! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- A man says to his wife 'tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time'. His wife replies 'You've got a bigger knob than your brother' Thought For The Day GOOD looks catch the eye but a GOOD personality catches the heart. You're blessed with both!' ....... Flattered??? Don't be, ….. this message was sent to ME!! I just wanted YOU to read it
Roland Posted March 2, 2009 Author Report Posted March 2, 2009 I haven't started yet lol ... but trouble is, too many can't be insulted because A. They can't read, and B. It would still go other their heads lol. ;D ;D ;D
Guest Freebird Posted March 2, 2009 Report Posted March 2, 2009 I said 'Tourettes! Now expletive removed* off!' Classic Roland ya nutter(evil)
Guest youngzimmy Posted March 2, 2009 Report Posted March 2, 2009 WI JOKES LIKE THAT PALL YOU NEED TO PHONE THE SAMARATINS EITHER THAT OR A A AN A DINNA MEAN THE CAR RECOVERY
Roland Posted March 2, 2009 Author Report Posted March 2, 2009 lol Bigda, not often, but sometimes your one liners are ace lol ;D ;D As for youngzimmy, I reckon they must have intepretered it wrong for him when they read it out lol :P ;D ;D ;D
Guest youngzimmy Posted March 2, 2009 Report Posted March 2, 2009 As for youngzimmy, I reckon they must have intepretered it wrong for him when they read it out lol DEARY DEAR ^^^^^^^^
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