you will like some.

[Roland]

Newfies are so smart! This about says it all !!!

American tourist asks a Newfoundlander:  

"Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"

  To which the Newfoundlander replies: "If they fell forwards they'd still be in the fook hing' boat."

 

Cocktail Conversation

A woman arrived at a party and while scanning the guests, spotted an attractive man standing alone.  She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen."

"That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?"

"No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore, I chose "Carmen. "What's your name?"

He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."

 

The following advice, given by Dr. Oz, makes a lot of sense and is important for all to know:

The only portals of entry are the nostrils and mouth/throat. In a global epidemic of this nature, it's almost impossible to avoid coming into contact with H1N1 in spite of all precautions. Contact with H1N1 is not so much of a problem as proliferation is.

        

While you are still healthy and not showing any symptoms of H1N1 infection, in order to prevent proliferation, aggravation of symptoms and development of secondary infections, some very simple steps, not fully highlighted in most official communications, can be practiced (instead of focusing on how to stock N95 or Tamiflu):  

 

1. Frequent hand-washing (well highlighted in all official communications).

      2. "Hands-off-the-face" approach. Resist all temptations to touch any part of face (unless you want to eat or bathe.)

      3. *Gargle twice a day with warm salt water (use Listerine or Hydrogen Peroxide if you don't trust salt).  *H1N1 takes 2-3 days after initial infection in the throat/ nasal cavity to proliferate and show characteristic symptoms. Simple gargling prevents proliferation. In a way, gargling with salt water has the same effect on a healthy individual that Tamiflu has on an infected one. Don't underestimate this simple, inexpensive and powerful preventative method.

        4. Similar to 3 above, *clean your nostrils at least once every day with warm salt water, or hydrogen peroxide. *Not everybody may be good at Jala Neti or Sutra Neti (very good Yoga asanas to clean nasal cavities), but *blowing the nose softly once a day and swabbing both nostrils with cotton buds dipped in warm salt water is very effective in bringing down viral population.*  

 

5. *Boost your natural immunity with foods that are rich in Vitamin C (Amla and other citrus fruits). *If you have to supplement with Vitamin C tablets, make sure that it also has Zinc to boost absorption.

                

6. *Drink as much of warm liquids (tea, coffee, etc) as you can. *Drinking warm liquids has the same effect as gargling, but in the reverse direction. They wash off proliferating viruses from the throat into the stomach where they cannot survive, proliferate or do any harm.

Pass this on to your entire e-list.  You never know who might pay attention to it - and STAY ALIVE because of it.

 

This is a true story. The following scene took place on a BA flight between Johannesburg and London.

A White woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a Black man. Obviously for some reason she was disturbed by this, she called the air Hostess.  "Madam, what is the matter," the Hostess asked. ‘You obviously do not see it then?" she responded. ‘You placed me next to a Black man.   I do not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group. Give me an alternative seat’.

‘Be calm please’, the Hostess replied  â€˜Almost all the places on this flight are taken. I will go to see if another seat is available’.

  The Hostess went away and then came back a few minutes later. ‘Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in the Economy class. I spoke to the Captain and he informed me that there are also no seats in the Business class. All the same, we still have one seat in the First class’.  Before the woman could say anything, the Hostess continued: ‘It is not usual for our company to permit someone from the Economy class to sit in the First class. However, given the circumstances, the Captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone so disgusting’.

She turned to the Black Gentleman, and said,  "Therefore, Sir, if you would like to, please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in First Class."  At that moment, the other passengers who were shocked by what they had just witnessed stood up and applauded.

  

HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?

This is hysterical. You have to try this. It is absolutely true. I guess there are some things that the brain cannot handle. You have to try this please, it takes 2 seconds. It is from an orthopaedic surgeon. This will confuse your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can't.  It is pre-programmed in your brain.

    1. While sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

 

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction. I told you so! And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.