One liners

[Roland]

One liners

 

Boy comes home and tells his parents he has just had sex for he first time.

The proud Dad says 'I'll buy you a bike to celebrate, but you will have to

wait until next pay day" the boy replies 'that's alright Dad, my *expletive removed* is too sore to

ride it anyway'

 

What is the medical term for the fatty tissue surrounding the clitoris?

The wife

 

Essex girl in bed with her boyfriend says, 'How dare you call me a  slapper,

get out of my bed right now and take your f****ing mates with you'

 

I was at Tesco this afternoon, when a lady dropped dead in front of me, I

felt really sorry for her - she had just bought a Bag for Life.

 

Teacher says to little Tommy 'Why weren't you at school yesterday?' Tommy  says 'My grandfather got burnt' Teacher says 'Badly?' Little Tommy says ' Yes, they don't f*$k about at the crematorium.'

 

A friend of mine says he is making love to twins, I said ' How can you  tell the difference?' he said ' Her brother has got a moustache?

 

Hubby has ' I love you' tatooed on his penis, and goes home to show his wife,

she says 'There you go again, trying to put words in my mouth'

 

A charity pantomime in aid of Paranoid Schizophrenics and Homosexuals

descended into chaos yesterday when somebody shouted 'He's behind you!

 

[Guest spin cycle]

nice one roland

[Babybird]

Cheered me up a little