Joke

[geordie1234]

A fat burd walks past a pet shop and a parrot shouts

 

"oi u!"

 

She says "whit?"

 

"Ya fat ugly c~nt!" the parrots shouts

 

She storms away raging

 

The next day it happens again so she goes in and owner if it happens again she's telling the polis.so the next morning she swaggers by and the parrot shouts

 

"Oi u!"

 

She says "whit?"

 

The parrot shouts "you *expletive removed*#ing know wit!"

 

[butcher]

A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local paper that read: HUSBAND WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON. On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grizzled old biker type sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs. The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!' She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!' Again, the old biker smiled,'Therefore, I can never beat you!' She raised an eyebrow and asked intently,'Are you still good in bed???' The old biker leaned back, beamed a big smile.I rang the door bell,did'nt i.ha! ha! ha!

[PATTY BHOY]

A man buys his grandfather the services of a call girl on his 90th birthday.

The girl arrives and says, " Hi, I ' m here to give you super sex."

" Oh thank you", replies the old man. " I ' ll have the soup please."

[Tony C]

A pretty young gypsy girl knocked on my door and asked if I had any oldclothing.

 

I said Yes but what would I get in return.She said I could play with her breasts.I thought.That's Fair..Tit for Tat.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Just said to the missus."Hey fat gut..what do you want for Valentines Day"

 

She said "Don't get f*cking lippy"

 

I said "Mascara it is then!

[OLDYELLOW]

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!) The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.. (O.M.G.!) A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (O.M.G.!!!) A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.(Creepy) (I'm still not over the pig.) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Don't try this at home; maybe at work.) The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home . What the...?) The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?) The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?) Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still can't believe that pig ...quality over quantity.) Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.) The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm.......) Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?) Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing.) A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.) An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.) Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that, too.) Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?) Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts. (and God love that pig!)..

[butcher]

Charity knight tonight in aid of people that struggle to have a orgasm

Dont worry if u cant cum