Not For Easily Offendsed

[Roland]

Those with chips on shoulder -boulders, or bells to ring. Drums to beat swith off!

 

I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days. I told him'I wish I had your will power.'

 

 

I took my Biology exam last Friday.

 

I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells.

 

Apparently"Blacks"and "Mexicans" were not the correct answers.

 

 

A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'sorry about the wait.' I said 'don't worry fatty, you're bound to lose it eventually.'

 

 

I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank.

 

When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?' I said 'Nope, you're still black'

 

 

Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, fat chance with a face like that!

 

 

Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away.

 

But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!

 

 

 

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such an immense shutter speed

 

that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.

 

 

I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself...I'm going to take that.

 

 

Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him Where am I? The Irish farmer looks backup and shouts back. You're in that freeckin basket.

 

 

I had a Trivia competition shot to pieces until the last question which I got wrong.

 

The question was 'Where do women have the curliest hair'??

The answer I should have given was Fiji.