ghostrider

A lady walked into a Police Station and the desk Sergeant said "Can I help you?" "Yes" she said, "I'd like to report a case of sexual assault". "Where did it happen?" the Sergeant asked. "In the park just down the road" she replied. "Can you describe what happened?" "Yes, I was walking along the footpath in the park near the trees when a man jumped out of the bushes and dragged me in there, removed my underwear then he dropped his pants to his knees and had his way with me". "Could you give me a description of him?" "Yes, he was wearing white shoes, long white trousers, a white shirt and he had these two big long pads from his feet up to and over his knees, one on each leg". "Sounds to me like he was a cricketer, most probably a batsman", said the Sergeant. "Yes", said the lady, "He was an Aussie Cricketer". "That's very observant", said the Sergeant, "You worked that out from his accent?" "No", she replied. "I worked it out because he wasn't in for very long".

Sex with your future wife =mutual trust ;D Sex with long-term partner = standard life ;D Sex with secretary = Employers liability ;D Sex with a prostitute = commercial union ;D Sex on the telephone = Direct line ;D Casual sex with different partners = Go compare ;D Sex with lady boy = Confused.com ;D

One is getting an extracter fan,into the stock loft. I've got hold of some Traditional Creosote ...so the backs of my lofts will get a coat or two. Should ( Stink for Weeks )should please the neighbours

Morning all

Another thing ..to contemplate We forget that some in this country of ours send out extremists of other faiths To killing our own Soldiers Etc...and have the ****. to return as if nothing has happened!! Once upon a time this was called Treason...punishable by Death The old Templars would be turning in their Graves How times change eh!! Atb

You don't know how many that are Already here! Folk just wander in and out of this country at there Lesure Comes to mind..the enemy within!!

Sort out the Problem! With their need to Migrate ITS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE IS IT? We did it with Sadam,Gadaffi duck. Can see down the line when other wars or whatever in other countries it will all kick off again!! Mass Migrations Needs Nipping in the bud,once and for all. Find out where there strongholds are. (Which they already know ) Send over the B52s they can blanket bomb/ Flatten an area of Miles Isis Will soon get the Message

The Prime Minister is set to face more questions over the legality of the targeted killing of two Islamic State fighters from Britain. Reyaad Khan, from Cardiff, and Ruhul Amin, from Aberdeen, were killed in the aerial raid which was ordered without Commons approval. Should Not have been there ...END OF!!

Watch England,now your having A Overpaid Rather Clean birds out...Re paint the lofts,clean up any dog crap missed in the garden And listening to our Lass Moaning And having the mother in law round for dinner,and that's saying something!!!

And to U

Scotland's most senior Catholic has described the UK's response to the refugee crisis so far as "mean-spirited and unhelpful". The controvercial remarks from Archbishop Philip Tartaglia, the Archbishop of Glasgow, come a day aftrer David Cameron said Britain will take thousands of refugees directly from camps bordering Syria, but has not given an exact figure. He's also pledged £100 million pounds extra in aid to help them. Archbishop Tartaglia has said Britain needs to be "generous in providing a safe haven" for refugees seeking to enter Europe and has urged the Government and society to "open our hearts and borders." The archbishop said that was a "welcome but vague promise to allow in more desperate people fleeing chaos" but he said the Conservative leader "appeared to offer no hope to those who have already reached Europe". In an article in The Herald newspaper he said the "poignant horror" of images of the three year old Syrian child Aylan Kurdi washed up dead on the shore of a Turkish beach had helped "bring our society to its senses". The archbishop stated: "In my view the refugees crisis is a test, not of political shrewdness, but of common humanity. What is happening in the Mediterranean, Calais and other access points is an affront to human dignity. "The UK should be generous in providing a safe haven for refugees and asylum seekers; Britain's policy in the Mediterranean of rescue and deposit elsewhere is mean-spirited and unhelpful to the nations who are bearing the brunt of the migrations - especially Italy and Greece."

Libbed 8.30..No Wind Atb

Edward 1st. Aka (The Longshanks..17 June 1239.7 July 1307,9th Crusades) Aka the hammer of the Scots. Once said if we can't get them out ....we will breed them Out Echoes of history come to mind!!! Gadaffi once said there's no point in suicide bombers,war against the infidels given time those countries will become Muslim,due to their migrations!!! (Think he's about right there!!) History lesson over

Wow!!!!

Along with...North Korea,China,Saudi Arabia,Etc,Would they go there!! I WONDER What is the fixation on going to Europe...Christian country's,when they loathe our Religeon! When some that did live in the UK have gone over to join Isis,family included. Worlds going Mad,what's the future going to be like for future generations,in the UK

A mate told me this afternoon,that there were some Christians amongst a boat load of refugees Can't believe they were thrown overboard to drown. Whether this is right I don't know

When that person arrives in the UK, they will be met at the airport by the Refugee Council and any other interested parties, and taken immediately to the local authority where they will be housed. Their accommodation will have been arranged before they arrive. :: They are then given 12 months of support. This includes registering with a GP, local school, job centre, banking services, welfare benefits, English language courses etc. This is funded by both the Home Office and the EU.I

7 Cocks,1 Hen Another Fella sent...101

Better day tomorrow ( hopefully )

Takes one to know ONE

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

A gentleman is preparing to board a plane, when he hears that the Pope is on the same flight. “This is exciting,†thinks the gentleman. “Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person.†Imagine his surprise when the Pope sits down in the seat next to him. Shortly after take-off, the Pope begins a crossword puzzle. Almost immediately, the Pope turns to the gentleman and says, “Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in ‘unt?’†Only one word leaps to mind. “My goodness,†thinks the gentleman, “I can't tell the Pope that. There must be another word.†The gentleman thinks for quite a while, and then it hits him. Turning to the Pope, the gentleman says, “I think the word you're looking for is ‘aunt.’†“Of course,†says the Pope. “Do you have an eraser?â€

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?†“I was stung by a bee!†she said. “Where?†he asked. “Between the first and second hole.†she replied. He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.â€

Morning All. Have a nice day!

Two nuns are walking down an alley at night. Two guys jump out and start raping them. The first nun looks to heaven and says, "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they're doing." The second nun looks up and says, "This one does!"