Never Trust A Cricketer

[Tony C]

NEVER TRUST A CRICKETER, WHOEVER HE MAY BE!

 

Come all ye fair young maidens and harken unto me,

Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.

 

Randier than a sailor who's been six months at sea,

Never let a cricketer's hand an inch above your knee.

 

First let's take the paceman, pure speed from first to last!

My darlings do be careful; his balls are hard and fast.

 

Then there's the medium pacer, his balls swing either way;

He's really most persistent and can keep it up all day!

 

And watch for the off-spinner, girls, another awkward chap.

If you leave him half an opening, he will slip one through the gap!

 

Then there's the wily 'slowy', pure cunning is his strength;

He'll tempt you, then he'll trap you with his very subtle length.

 

So ladies, do be careful, your mothers would agree.

Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.

 

And what about the opening bat, his struggles never cease!

He has only one ambition, to spend all day at the crease.

 

The number three is a dasher, he seldom prods and pokes.

When he goes into action, he has a fine array of strokes..

 

And do beware the slogger, not content with one or two;

When he arrives at the crease then only six will do.

 

Then there's the real stonewaller, girls, he knows what he's about;

And if you let him settle in, it's hard to get him out!

 

We come now to the last man, I hope this will not shock,

He doesn't mind if he's last man in, as long as he gets a knock.

 

So, darlings, do be careful, and be well warned by me:

Never trust a cricketer, whoever he may be.

 

And watch the wicketkeeper, girls, he's full of flair and dash;

And if you raise your heel, he'll whip them off in a flash.

 

If you take the field with the captain, you had better know the score;

Or he'll have you in positions that you never knew before!

 

The cricket commentator is a nasty sort of bloke,

He watches all the action and describes it stroke by stroke.

 

Even the kindly umpire, who looks friendly as a pup;

You'll quickly find you've had it, when he puts his finger up!

 

So, darlings, please remember and repeat it after me:

 

NEVER TRUST A CRICKETER, WHOEVER HE MAY BE!