joke..

[Guest strapper]

The Coffin

A man is walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP... BUMP.. BUMP... behind him

 

Walking faster he looks back and can make out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him

 

...BUMP,

 

it goes.. ...BUMP..

 

...BUMP..

 

Terrified, the man begins to run towards his house, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him..

 

Faster..

 

FASTER..

 

BUMP..

 

BUMP..

 

BUMP!

 

He runs up to the door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him..

 

However, the coffin crashes through the door - its lid clapping dementedly.. Clappity-BUMP..

 

Clappity-BUMP..

 

Clappity-BUMP..

 

Hot on the heels of the terrified man..

 

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is mixed with sobs and gasps..

 

With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door.

 

Bumping and clapping towards him..

 

The man screams and reaches for something, anything...

 

but all he can find is a bottle of Benylin in the medicine cabinet.. Desperate, he throws the bottle at the coffin..

 

 

 

(wait for it...)

 

 

 

...the coffin stops!

 

 

 

[pigeonpete]

tut tut tut paul!!!! where uou dragged that up from?? lol  

[Guest strapper]

heres a couple of wife ones...some are old ...lol

 

wife's gone ...

My wife's gone to the West Indies

-Jamaica?

-No, she went of her own accord.

 

That's the original one, now prepare for a deluge of variations....

 

-My wife's gone to the Indian coast

-Goa?

-Phwoar! I'll say!

 

-My wife's gone to St Petersburg.

-Is she Russian?

-No, she's taking her time.

 

-My wife's gone to Northern Italy

-Genoa?

-I should think so, we've been married for 20 years.

 

-My wife's had an accident on a volcano

-Krakatoa? -No.

She broke her leg.

 

-My wife's gone mad in Venezuela

-Caracas

-Yes, absolutely loopy

 

-My wife's gone to the Welsh border.

-Wye?

-Search me.

 

-My wife's gone to the botanical gardens.

-Kew?

-Yes, it was rather busy.

 

-My wife's gone to Malawi

-Lilongwe?

-Yes, about 5000 miles

 

-My wife's got an upset tummy in Laos

-Inkhazi?

-Yes, constantly.

 

-My wife's gone on a singing tour of South Korea

-Seoul?

-No, R&B

 

-My wife caught a cold in the Gulf

-Qatar?

-Yes, she was coughing up greenies for weeks

 

-My wife had an accident in Slovenia

-Bled?

-like a stuck pig.

 

-My wife's parents are from Croatia

-Split?

-No, they're still happily married.

 

-My wife went to a very bad concert in South East Asia

-Singapore?

-Terrible. And the rest of the band sucked too.

 

-My wife went on a sailing course in Poole

-In Dorset?

-Yes, she'd recommend it to anyone.

 

[pigeonpete]

:B :B :B ;D

[Guest]

absolute crackers Paul ,raised a good laugh that one. cheers.          andy.