Diary of a Londoner in Perthshire in wintertime...

[DOVEScot]

'OUR FIRST WHITE WINTER IN HIGHLAND PERTHSHIRE'

 

DEC 20TH

 

It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first we've seen for years. The wife and I took out our hot toddies and sat on the porch watching the fluffy soft flakes drift gently down clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It's so beautiful and peaceful.

 

DEC 24th

 

We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white glistening snow covering as far as the eye could see. What a fantastic sight, every tree and bush covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time ever and loved it. I did both our driveway and the pavement. Later that day a snow plough came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shoveled it away again. The children next door built a snowman with coal for eyes and a carrot for a nose, and had a snowball fight, a couple just missed me and hit the car so I threw a couple back and joined in their fun.

 

DEC 26th

 

It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature dropped to around minus 8 degrees.

Several branches on our trees and bushes snapped due to the weight of the snow.

I shoveled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snow plough came by and did his trick again.

Much of the snow is now a brownish - grey.

 

JAN 1st

 

Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tyres for both our cars £500. Fell on my *expletive removed* in the driveway. £100 to a physio but nothing was broken.

 

JAN 4th

 

Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought her a 4x4 to get her to work.

She slid into a wall and did considerable damage to the right wing - £200.

Had another 8 inches of white sh*te last night. Both vehicles are covered in salt and iced up slush that ba*tard snow plough came by twice today. Where's that bl*ody shovel.

 

JAN 6th

 

More f*****g snow. Not a tree or bush on our property that hasn't been damaged.

Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a paraffin heater which tipped over and nearly torched the house. I managed to put the flames out but suffered 2nd Degree burns on my hands. Lost all my eyebrows and eyelashes.

Car hit a f*****g deer on the way to casualty and was written off.

 

JAN 8th

 

F*****g b*****d white sh*te just keeps on coming down.

Have to put on every article of clothing just to go to the post box. The little b******s next door ambushed me with snowballs on the way back - I'll shove that carrot so far up the little pr*ck’s *expletive removed* it'll take good surgeon 6 hours to find it.

If I ever catch the ar*ehole that drives the snow plough I'll chew open his chest and rip out his heart with my teeth.

I think the b*****d hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he accelerates down the street like Michael 'f*****g' Schumacher and buries the f*****g driveway again.

 

JAN 10th

 

16 more so*ding inches of f*****g snow and f*****g ice and f*****g sleet and god knows what other white sh*te fell last night. I am in court in 3 months time for assaulting the snow plough driver with an ice - pick.

Can't move my f*****g toes. Haven't seen the sun for 5 weeks. minus 20 and more f*****g snow forecast

 

expletive removed* THIS, I'M MOVING BACK TO LONDON -----------------------------------------

 

[Guest bigda]

good one,  nice to see it,  but its nice to see  it go  ;D

[Blue Chequer Pied]

;D ;D ;D

[Guest]

thanks for that Dunc, sorry you didnt get the job at "Scottish Tourist Board"(evil)(evil)  andy.

[DOVEScot]

thanks for that Dunc, sorry you didnt get the job at "Scottish Tourist Board"(evil)(evil)  andy.

 

You win some, you lose some ;D