Football With A Cat

[ghostrider]

looked out my window i seen 4 rangers fans playing football with a cat .

 

i was about to phone the rspca .when the cat went 1 -0 up

[ghostrider]

Mother takes her young son to the Zoo for his very first time. As kids do little Billy is asking plenty of questions.'Mum whats that big tall orange looking animal' "Thats a Giraffe Billy" says mum. "Whats that thing on its back" asks Billy at the next enclosure looking at the Tortoise "That is the Tortoise's shell and home Billy, it keeps him safe" Next they go to the Elephant enclosure, Billy asks "whats that big long thing on it's nose". "That's his trunk Billy he uses it for lifting things ,putting food in his mouth and washing himself" Then Billy asks "whats that big thing between his legs" his mother very embarressed after noticing that being breeding season the male Elephant has an erection says 'oh thats nothing Billy,now come along" The following year Billy goes back to the Zoo this time with his Father.Billy asks all the same questions as they go from enclosure to enclosure. When they again come to the Elephant enclosure Billy asks about the Elephants trunk and his Father explains. Then Being breeding season again Billy asks about the big thing between the Elephants legs. His father tells Billy "that's his d*ck" Billy says "but mum said it was nothing" 'Ah' says Billys Father 'thats because your mother has been spoiled"

[ghostrider]

"Went for my routine check-up today"

"Is everything o.k."

"Everything seemed to be going o.k. until he stuck his finger up my jacksi"

"Well,thats normal procedure mate"

"So you dont think i should change my dentist then?"

[ghostrider]

An irish bloke goes for a job interview, “I want you to answer 2 questions†said the interviewer!

“Question 1, if I poked you in one eye what would you be� Partially sighted said paddy.

“question 2, if I poked you in both eyes what would you beâ€? Totally blind said paddy. “ brilliant you can have the job. Paddy went into the pub and saw Pat, “what you doin here†“ I am going for an interviewâ€. “they will ask you 2 questions, just rember partially sighted and totally blind and you will walk itâ€

Paddy goes in and the interviewer said “what would you be if I cut off one of your ears†“partially sighted sir†“ok, if cut off your other ear what would you beâ€? “totally blind sirâ€. How can cutting off your ears make you blind Patâ€? the interviewer asked.†Because my cap would fall over my eyes sirâ€