Thanks for all the emails

[DOVEScot]

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this

past year........

 

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one

about rat sh** in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet

towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

 

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open

for the same reason.

 

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a

sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the

1,387,258th time.

 

I no longer have any money at all, but that will

change once I receive the $15, 000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are

sending me for participating in their special e-mail program....

 

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me

to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of

a customer who died intestate.

 

I no longer worry about my soul because I have

363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted

my every wish.

 

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though

I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

 

Thanks to you,

 

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I

forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five

minutes.

 

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can

remove toilet stains.

 

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along

to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm

filling up.

 

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will

drug me with an aftershave sample and rob me.

 

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask

me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to

Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .

 

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown

African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when

it bites my bum.

 

And thanks to your great advice,

 

I can't even pick up the £50.00 I found dropped in the

car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting

underneath my car to grab my leg.

 

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70

minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm

this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,

causing you to grow a hairy hump.

 

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my

next door neighbour’s ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's

beauticians relative once removed.

 

By the way....a South American scientist after a

lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ who have

infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on

the mouse.

 

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!  ;D ;D ;D