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greenlands

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About greenlands

  • Birthday 05/25/1945

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    West Cumbria.
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  1. A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to find a British soldier selling regimental ties.The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"The soldier replied, "There is no water, the well is dry. Would you like to buy a tie instead? They are only £5."The Taliban shouted, "You idiot infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!""OK," said the soldier, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that, and that I am a much better human being than you. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find our Sergeant's Mess club. It has all the ice cold water you need. Inshallah."Cursing him, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.Several hours later he staggered back, collapsed with dehydration & rasped:"They won't let me in without a f......g tie!”
  2. ColonoscopyAll the organs of the body were having a meetingTrying to decide who was the one in charge.I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen.""I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away.""I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him,So in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headacheThe stomach was bloated,The legs got wobbly,The eyes got watery,And the blood was toxic.They all decided that the rectum should be the bossThe Moral of the story?Even though the others do all the work.. The ass hole is usually in charge
  3. Been in hospital for three weeks after a heart by pass the didn't go to plan,this lot could take some sorting ? ?
  4. Dry with full cloud cover,looks like rain anytime.
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